The art of Christian suffering

Everybody suffers.  This is a fact.  There is no one human being, not even the sinless Virgin Mary who was spared suffering in life.   Each person who reads this blog either has encountered suffering in his or her life, or could well be undergoing a suffering right now.  They come in many forms – bodily injuries, inabilities of some kind, heart-aches, failures of various kinds, illness and death of loved ones.  We may choose to hide our suffering or mute it in some way, or choose not to address it, causing us to enter the realm called ‘denial’ but the fact remains – we all suffer in one way or another.

What can we do to address this?  Apart from the escapist’s solution which is often a denial, we can face these sufferings with one of several purposes and intentions.  We can look at them with different eyes and end up very differently. 

One of the more common things sufferers do is to look with eyes of anger and resentment.  This is an understandable reaction especially when it appears that life should be free of any pain and suffering.  I say ‘appear’ because this is an illusion that many falsely believe in.  Quite often, these ‘complainers’ are also comparers.  Looking at the seeming pain-free life of their friends and companions only from one vista – that of their suffering-free life, these lamenters may fail to see that there are in fact layers beneath the façade that may be hidden beneath.  These complainers and comparers thus cannot fathom why their lives are riddled with the pain and suffering while their friends seem to be bathing in bliss.  Being angry with life, with others and perhaps even with God is often a common resultant.

Connected with anger and resentment is self-pity, where one develops a ‘poor me’ attitude towards life.  A very common lament, this is equivalent to a ‘navel gazing’ where the sufferer sees himself or herself as a hapless victim, with a feeling that no one empathizes and feels his or her pain.  It is another dimension of self-centeredness where one gathers all of one’s energies to oneself, but with very negative and destructive consequences.  One can stay in this ‘comfortable’ state for a long time.  Family and friends who know of people in this state will readily attest to how difficult it is to communicate with these sufferers with any degree of success.  One seems to only listen to the voices running around in one’s head.

One could also choose to just shut out the world and refuse to talk about nor address this with anyone around.  Akin to denial, it is often fear that causes one to resort to this, as the sufferer just doesn’t know how to deal with what one is facing.  In my encounters with sufferers, I have met people who chose not to know what illness they are suffering from, and prefer to live in feigned ignorance and do not want the doctor to tell them his prognosis.

Then of course, there is the blame game.  Chief players of this game are people who have the need to pin the blame of one’s suffering on something or someone other than themselves.  Oftentimes, it is God who is blamed for having imposed or given the suffering.  After all, God seems to be the best scapegoat because he remains largely silent in the endless litany of complaints and lamentations.  The (weak) argument that there is no God can often come from sufferers who say that if God were to exist, that there should be no suffering in the world, and that everything should be grand, happy and picture perfect.  What is denied by these atheists is the fact that an all loving God would definitely want to bestow freedom to his beloved children so that we can freely choose between right and wrong, blessings and curses, and good and bad.  Only a weak, insecure despotic deity would create with an intent to control and manipulate, and the God of Jesus Christ is no such God.

I am no trained physician, and the four methods of dealing with suffering which I have shared in the first part of this blog are the result more of personal encounters with parishioners, than knowledge gained from case studies.  But I believe I am not that far from the mark as far as reactions to suffering is concerned.

What is the antidote to this?  Is there one?  Is there a Christian response to suffering that makes us believers stand out and live differently?  As believers and disciples of Christ who came to save us, we have an avenue of belief that is something that gives all sufferers a different way of handling and broaching the topic of suffering. 

In the beatitudes, one that particularly stands out as a response to suffering is “blessed are those who weep, they shall be comforted” (Matt. 5:4).  This weeping is not a self-pity weeping that Jesus advocates.  Weeping here refers to our willingness to be compassionate and to weep with others who weep, as well as to mourn the state of our sinful and broken shared humanity that cannot save itself.  When weeping’s tears are not bitter and full of resentment, they become effective cleansers of the spirit.  But this is only possible when the suffering is offered for a higher purpose.  We may all suffer, but only the blessed do something transformative with their suffering in offering them up in an act of surrender.  This is the Christian response which is a great challenge to many.  When we offer up our sufferings to God, we are entering into the realm of humility.  We dare to acknowledge our brokenness, and this can be the genesis of our true inner transformation. 

How do we strive for a depth of soul and a largess of heart?  Spiritual masters have shared that what can aid in this development is some form of humiliation that cuts to the core of our very lives.  If we are truly honest about it, we will realise that the things or circumstances that have changed us, perhaps motivated us, or transformed us for the better have been instances in our lives when we were subjected to a situation where we were helpless and perhaps victims of some unfortunate circumstances.  Poverty could do this, and so could a failure, or something that left us with a numb vulnerability.  To the extent that we were humiliated, to that extent we can gain depth of soul.

But of course, there are two ways this can go.  We can become extremely bitter and want to exact revenge on anyone or anything that comes in our path from then on.  This is one of the reasons why there are many criminals, cheats and murderers who had such broken pasts.  They refused to allow their humiliation to change them and to shape their souls positively. 

But when we say in our praise and worship that “Jesus is the answer”, what we are saying is in fact that there is something that Jesus did that addresses these humiliations and failures and sufferings.  He held on to the humiliation and suffering which he underwent without the bitterness, resentment and anger which is the path the unenlightened often choose.  Instead, his heart was open – so open that it encompassed forgiveness, empathy for the enemy, and embraced a long suffering.  When Jesus is our pattern and model for suffering, he indeed becomes our savior from the way we have been trying to ineffectively save ourselves.

Does God have favourites?  St Peter didn’t think so when addressed Cornelius in the Acts of the Apostles (10:34).  But he was referring to the misconception that only the Israelites were favoured by God.  A parent who has many children will know that it is very damaging to have a favourite child, especially when it is made known publicly.  I came across a very wise parent who was asked by one of his children who was his favourite, and he said “the one who is in front of me at the time”.  When I heard this, I immediately imaged God saying this as well, because in prayer, this is what we are doing.  We are standing in front of God, placing ourselves before him in humility and love.  We become his favourites and are thus comforted. 

How is it then that we are so slow on the uptake in submitting ourselves in contemplative prayer before God each day?  When we realise that we are so blessed and comforted when we pray this way, we will want to stand before the loving Father to surrender our suffering participate in his divine love and be his favourite. 

Doing this well is an art – the art of Christian suffering.