Wounds - our touch points with God

Wounds are a part of our lives.  Much as parents of newborn babes try so hard to prevent wounds from happening from the time of their births, we all know that this is a pointless exercise as there are bound to be moments where all eyes are off the baby and the precious little tot bumps the head or knocks into a chair corner and bruises himself or herself in the process.  There is very little that can be done (apart from living in a bubble) that can ensure that we do not get injured or wounded in our lives. 

I make this reflection on two connected points – last Friday, we celebrated the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, where we look anew and worship the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ, wounded out of love for all humanity – a woundedness that is taken on willingly and out of love for sinful humankind in response to the will of God the Father.  Connected to this is a reminder to me of my own woundedness that I physically bear as I live with an open wound in my chest in the form of a Subclavian Central Venous Catheter, also known as an open line that gives direct access to my subclavian vein so that medication like chemotherapy drugs and blood tests can be easily obtained without numerous piercings into my arms and hands.  It is still a medical marvel to me how this open wound can be in me for some 5 months how without it being infected, though I must admit that I take great care to prevent any forms of infection it is after all, an open would in my chest!

In our spiritual journey we too are bearers of many wounds.  Some may be self inflicted when we misunderstand Church teachings and think that we are marginalized and put of the sidelines.  A little good and clear catechesis, imparted with a great deal of charity, patience and love goes a long way in clearing most misunderstandings and imagined prejudices. 

But what of wounds that are given by God?  Some wounds are not a result of any misunderstandings or misconstrued notions.  These would be the innocent wounds which come about as a result of our faithfulness to God and living out what Mother Church teaches about transformative love and a suffering that comes with them as our training ground in deep spirituality. 

When I contemplate on this as part of my meditations, I often take with me the appearance of Jesus at the Upper Room after the Resurrection to the fear ridden apostles.  Why did Jesus appear with his wounds?  It was the connection point of his humanity with his divinity that the prevalence of his wounds, still visible in his glorious resurrected being, that gives us all great hope in our living with our wounds while we journey on this earth.  Isn’t this a sign that our wounds, when carried with love and non-violence (marked so clearly by Jesus’ own forgiving words while hanging on the Cross at Calvary) is what we too carry with us into heaven? 

But if we only harbour grudges, umbrage and bitterness in our hearts for our wounds inflicted on us by loved ones and life in general, we will have very little to take with us into glory as there is no room for such in an eternity with God.  We would only display much vehemence to those who had caused these wounds rather than look upon them with forgiveness and compassion, and vehemence and heaven are as compatible as chalk and cheese; gratitude and pride.

We don’t have to go very far to pin point the kinds of wounds that we bear in our heart.  A parent whose child is abusive and unfilial; a spouse who tries so hard to live out the pains of true committed marital love despite a seemingly loveless marriage; a parishioner of a church who has deep disagreement with the policies of the Parish Priest but still goes to Mass to the same parish without gossiping about his or her displeasures or insisting on things changing before having a change of heart; difficult and painful medical treatments that we have to go through to ensure our sustained health and lives; perennial troubles with the in-laws despite trying so hard to love and forgive.  These are all very real wounds that many innocently bear as a testimony of love.  But if the love is not directed to God, it can be something that wounds even further, deepening the hurt.

But isn’t it when we take our faith seriously and carry these wounds to God and surrender them to him in a similar spirit that Jesus did on the Cross, that these wounds actually do something good for our lives?  It makes the meaningless meaningful.  It makes meaningful the surrender that is required of the broken human soul.  That is because God can make something out of nothing, as the teaching ‘ex-nihilo’ teaches us.  We may think that our sufferings and wounds are nothing.  But God doesn’t.  Not when it is offered in love.  This is what we must take with us in our meditation on the Sacred Heart of Jesus, followed very theologically by the Immaculate Heart of Mary, where her heart was purely focused on the love that God had for her, and for humanity.

I do not like the fact that I have a wound in my chest.  It inhibits my movement, and it causes me to be unable to exercise as I used to.  I cannot swim, I cannot run, I can’t even go for brisk walks as any perspiration seeping into the gap between the tube and my open wound would be an open invitation for a bacteria party, causing all sorts of infections.  As a result, my muscle mass has begun to waste away, and I am pretty much out of shape.  It’s a blow to someone like me who has been an avid exerciser and loved to keep fit.  But I have also come to see that it is this very wound that has kept me alive through the arduous chemotherapy sessions these many months.  I need to be thankful for this wound that I have, as it is literally my lifeline.

Perhaps you, the reader, may have some wounds of your own and have prayed for God to take them away.  If he has allowed you to live up to now with these wounds, perhaps it is in a very hidden way, your lifeline to God through holy acceptance, difficult though it may be.  Sometimes we think that our prayer life should consist in eradicating all of our hurts and wounds in life.  Jesus did not make that the aim of his life.  Should we not learn from this too?