Ever since I was a seminarian, aspiring to be an ordained priest in the Holy Catholic Church, I was given to be yearning to die a happy death at the end of my earthly existence. Though we were never really formally instructed what it was to die a happy death, it was something that we nurtured in our hearts as we prepared, albeit sedulously, for the ordination to the priesthood that awaited us as we lived through the seemingly endless days in the 7 years of seminary formation.
This was something that was brought so clearly to my consciousness when I was given the confirmation that I was suffering from the debilitating cancer of leukemia, and that of a very rare form, which was acute lymphocytic leukemia, which if not treated, would probably be fatal within a few months.
Of course, this news couldn’t be given to me at a worse time. I was at that time in the beginning stages of studying for my License in Dogmatic Theology at the Dominican House of Studies in Washington DC. This meant that I had to stop my pursuit of the degree because I had to focus squarely on my search for a suitable bone marrow donor whose HLA (human leukocyte antigen) typing matches mine.
I will never forget how I reacted when my doctor revealed to me that I was now a patient suffering from a very serious form of cancer. I smiled quietly, and whispered a prayer of grateful thanks to God for having given me this cross to carry. I was never angry or resentful for the leukemia, and took full-on the arduous search for a matching HLA donor for my bone marrow transplant.
I would surmise that at that point in my spiritual life, I was completely ready for death. Of course, thoughts of how my family and loved ones would take the news of my imminent death came to mind, but they did not dampen my positive attitude toward my death.
In many of my spiritual readings from renown spiritual authors, I was always aware of the fact that we should never live our lives in ways that will make us die a sad or tragic death. To be able to die a truly happy death, we need to be striving always to be in a state of grace, and not subject ourselves to unhealthy habits or addictions, and not to live in morally unscrupulous or illicit ways. Like St Francis of Assisi, we ought to be able to see death as a sister, and welcome her when she made her presence known to us.
To be ready for Sister Death is not to be overly remorse and downcast in life. In short, it means that we are cognizant that this earthly life is not the be all and end all for everyone. It’s just a transient stage before we reach our final everlasting state, which for all souls, ought to be in the full embrace of our Heavenly Father in eternity. This makes us not put too much emphasis in our quest for happiness in this life, which for many, will include having large stores of wealth and a name known and loved by as many people as we can. It’s the lifelong quest for fame, fortune and reputation.
To be truthful, this is not the reason I went into the seminary to study for the priesthood. No priest would want to be a priest in order to become rich and famous. But as the years of the seminary formation passed, as we edged towards the coveted ordination date, we became clearer and clearer that the joys of the priesthood had to free us from the quest for riches, wealth and fame. That is why at our ordination Mass, we transient deacons would be seen lying prostrate on the floor before the Bishop, signifying that we are ready to die to ourselves, and do be the servants of the Bishop who was going to ordain us in a few moments.
Dying to the self includes us not pursuing things only that will thrill us or bring us some high repute in the eyes of those looking at us. It frees us from only wanting things that will make us momentarily happy and contented. It grounds us well and keeps us stable when things in life begin to fall apart.
I can’t keep preaching this, because there will be a time when the laity we preach to get tired of hearing us, if we keep droning on about this. So, I write blogs like this one just so that when readers of my blog page happen to read it, they will get their conscience poked and prodded, and ask themselves the all-important question of whether they are ready to die a happy death.
Things that bring a smile to our faces are manifold and plenty, but some of them only bring temporary and transient joys to our lives. But it is only when we pursue the godly and holy joys that will make us endure the trials and afflictions that are long-term and can even cause our deaths.
May all of us be truly ready to die a happy death when Sister Death comes a-visiting.
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