I recall with some fondness the rigor and system that outlined the life of the seminarian in the seminary when I was a seminarian studying for the priesthood. That was a time of 8 years of my life, and it started when I was a 28-year-old man.
I would imagine that when people hear me saying that I appreciate the routine and strict time table of the seminary, they would conclude that I had to be crazy and out of sorts. In Singapore, National Service is mandatory for all men, and without a doubt, routine and following orders is just part and parcel of the life of being either in the Army or the Navy, or even of the Police Force. The Army, Navy or the Police Force would be a complete failure if the soldiers, sailors or constables were people who were undisciplined and hardly followed the orders of their superiors.
One of the things that made me appreciate with great gratitude the routine and discipline of the seminary was that they put in us seminarians the need to exercise routine in the life of prayer. Each morning, whether we felt like it or not, we were expected to turn up in the chapel for Lauds, which is the morning prayer part of the Divine Office, at the quiet and seemingly ungodly time of 6am. Some seminarians would be seen yawning and sleepy eyed as they turned up for Lauds, which was followed by Holy Mass. But it was instilled in us as part of our formation, that prayer is the heart of the vocation of the priesthood and religious life. And this, in effect, meant that no matter how we felt in our hearts, the practice of prayer needs to be upkept and practiced with routine and habit.
If we were free to turn up for Lauds and Vespers (or even Holy Mass) only when we felt like praying, there would most likely to be disaster in the priesthood. To stretch the point, priests would only go for their hospital visits when they felt like it. The needs of the people would not be placed at a position of prominence in their life and time table. The call to passionate service would not be part of their psyche and spirit, and the priest would easily end up chiefly serving themselves and their hearts.
I write today’s reflection because I fear that there are quite a few of our faithful who are only praying when they feel like it. I don’t know if it is because of ill-planned catechesis of their catechists, but that can explain why so many Adoration Rooms in churches are often, left empty and ignored most of the time in the day. As a priest, I find this very sad and even if we place large posters and placards outside of these Adoration Rooms that Jesus is waiting for us behind the doors of these rooms, the numbers going in to pray and adore God would still not change much. Unless we place a sentence on the posters something like “Jesus wants you to go inside the Adoration Room regardless of how you are feeling in your heart and mind”.
And that is the truth. Prayer must not be dependent on how we are feeling in our hearts. The first motive to pray when we first become aware of the grace of our baptism, is to pray because we are so delighted that God loves us so much that through Baptism, we became the sons and daughters of Almighty God himself. However, these first fervors of prayer do not last for long. It is a matter of time that this immense and undeserved truth of our being loved and saved becomes something no longer thrills and delights us. We begin to take our salvation for granted, and once this happens, we taper off our desire to enter into the church or prayer room and turn instead to other things that delight and thrill our easily distracted hearts and minds.
The regularity of prayer and adoration must not depend on our feelings and excitement to commune with Jesus our Savior. Sometimes we are filled with irreverence and our emotions are angry or revengeful, or even filled with thoughts of sexuality and worldly delights. If this describes our hearts now, then go into prayer and pray those thoughts of irreverence, pray those angry emotions and yes, even pray those sexual thoughts. Do not wait for only those moments when our hearts and minds are no longer distracted and filled with sin to pray to God. Real prayer is when we lift our minds and hearts to God. Real prayer is not contingent on the good things that fill our minds and hearts.
Prayer needs to be cultivated as a habit, not unlike the way brushing our teeth is a habit. Imagine the outcome of our dental health if we only brush our teeth when we feel like it. Many, if not most of us, would end up with a whole mouthful of dentures because all of our teeth have rotted away due to poor and non-existent dental hygiene. Orthodontists would be filled with patients, and so would their bank accounts. Brushing our teeth regularly and twice a day needs to be indented into our souls with ardor and discipline, and it is for our own good. Our prayer and prayer life need to be embedded into us so that prayer is not something solely dependent on our feelings, thoughts and emotions.
When we have this principle in our hearts, prayer and going for Sunday Mass will become a good and constant habit in us, whether we are in our home country, or when we are away from home due to work or on vacation. Don’t get me started on the number of times I have heard of penitents in confession who have confessed that they missed Sunday Masses when they were away on vacation in a faraway land. It’s as if once they have left home, they also leave behind the need to give God glory in and through their lives. Sadly, it does seem that the love of God is not the primary reason why they are present at Eucharistic Celebrations every Sunday. Habit, sadly, has not yet been formed in their hearts.
One of the things I love about the Psalms that are primary in Lauds and Vespers, is that they are filled with the Psalms from Sacred Scripture. The Psalms are filled with so many feelings that the human heart may be filled with. There are Psalms that feature anger, despondency, ill-will, rage and unfaithfulness. When we are filled with these emotions, it would not be difficult to pray with these words. These Psalms help us to lift up our hearts and minds to God.
Yes, feelings can be the entry point into our prayer life. But do not let that be the main feature of our prayer life. God wants whatever is in our hearts in our prayer to him. If you haven’t developed a regularity in your prayer life yet, start now.
It is never too late to start the habit of prayer regardless of how we feel inside of us.
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