Everyone has a story. Realizing this changes so much for us.

 I just returned from a short vacation that I was blessed to have, and it was to a place halfway across the world from tiny Singapore.  I went to Seattle in North America, and the journey there had me endure a grueling passage of 14.5 hours in a stable and well provided for aircraft.  Of course, I was not the only passenger in the plane.  Together with me were about 350 other people. 

 

As I sat in my seat and gazed at the other passengers who were en route to Seattle with me, I came to realize that every single one of those passengers had their own reason why they were making this trip.  None of us was there just by chance.  It came to me that not just on a plane, but in every place, we find ourselves in, the people around us all have their story.  Sometimes, when we aren’t conscious of this fact, we can end up dismissing or writing off the strangers around us as unimportant or trivial.  The truth is that God who knows and sees everything is aware of the state of the lives of each individual that stand, sit or walk before our very eyes. 

 

If we view the lives of others as unimportant or trivial, it cannot be that it is only our own lives is important and significant.  In the same way that the lives of others around us is as important to God as our own lives, we then ought to show the proper and adequate respect, reverence and esteem to them, not just for their sakes, but for our own sake. 

 

None of us deserves to have strangers we do not know to sit us down and give us a detailed and particular explanation of their lives and how they came to be at the time and place that we see them.  That would be too much for anyone. 

 

Yesterday afternoon, after having had lunch with my family at my brother’s home, I was driving back to my residence at the seminary when at a traffic junction, I saw in front of me an elderly man, almost bent double, very slowly pushing a loaded cart of things across the road, and a young and more spritely man walked slowly next to him and helped him to push the cart as the elderly man slowly made his way across the road with his mincing gait.  I told myself that this man must have a story about why he was so physically challenged with his body so physically challenged and why he was pushing a cartload of things across a busy road on a hot and sunny Sunday afternoon all by himself.  I peered outside of my window and tried to see whether the other drivers in the other cars at the traffic junction looked at the man with the same quizzical concern, but apparently, I was the only one who was looking at the poor man with concern. 

 

All of us need to have an awakening of this sort to truly be ready for the second coming of Jesus Christ.  It’s not just self-awareness that is so crucial, it is the awareness of the lives of others in the world that makes us truly ready and worthy to welcome the second coming of Jesus at the second judgment. 

 

It’s the same at every line waiting for their turn to enter the confessional at a church.  The line of penitents has the same phenomenon.  Each penitent has their own individual sins that he or she is struggling with in life.  In my experience as a confessor priest, I have never at one time heard the same sins from my penitents.  The fact is that they are so varied and individual.  Each one had a reason to be in that confession line at that day.  I am sure that it was this kind of awareness that struck the Cure of Ars that caused him to devote so many hours each day to be a patient and loving confessor to the many who turned up each day to have their sins heard and given the precious and life-saving absolution for their sins.  I think the real problem so many priests are loathe to sit for long periods of time in the confessional is because we may be thinking only of ourselves and our inconvenience, than the need and ache in the penitents to have their sins forgiven after an honest and heart-rending confession. 

 

The truth is that we are all connected in a very hidden and varied way.  God knows this, and I am sure that he would want us to realize this as well, and it is this knowledge and awareness that will make the world a smaller and more peaceable place. 

 

May God lift the veil that covers so much of our sight, and may we then all be truly ready for the second coming of Christ. 

We cannot just base our love on feelings or sentiments if we want it to last.

 One of the least appreciated and understood aspects of love is that when it is true and persistent, it cannot be simply based on our feelings and emotions.  Instead, it has to be based on a decision to love, and not on the emotions or feelings of romance and bliss. 

 

And one of the downsides of this very unappreciated definition of love is that for many, if not most people, once they no longer feel the sentiments and emotions of romance anymore, they stop loving altogether.  Rather, they hope and pray for the return of those feelings that led them to make the decision to marry in Church, before a minister ordained to receive their wedding vows in the presence of their friends and relatives on the day that they got married. 

 

This is one of the most fundamental things about true and life-giving love that I try my hardest to impart in preparing couples for their marriage before me in the church.  I don’t ‘diss’ or ignore the fact that in their pre-marriage courtship, that they are experiencing the stirrings and uplifting moments of romance and being ‘in-love’.  What needs to be reminded is that these experiences are not the kernel and essence of what is life-giving.  These may be nice and exhilarating to experience, but for most people truly in love, just to live for these moments is akin to living in a dream-like existence. 

 

As some spiritual gurus have written and maintained, our hearts and minds are complex and promiscuous, quite like wild horses frolicking to their own tunes, with love frequently not on their agenda.  I am certain that imparting this to people who are madly and dizzyingly in love, can be quite disturbing and even an affront to them.  But I need to find new and creative ways to impart this truth to them so that they will be prepared to face it well when the time comes in their married life, to hang on to the dream they have of living their marriage in the best way possible.

 

It’s the same for our prayer life.  It can’t be that I was unfortunate to have bad or insufficiently prepared catechists in my days of spiritual formation in my pre-confirmation days of my teens.  And if it was implied by my catechists, it was most probably done with such speed and little emphasis that we were not caught off-guard and given the opportunity to seriously think about what was being implied.  What do we do about our prayer lives when we no longer feel like praying?  After all, most, if not all of us are often tired, bored, no longer wanting to pray, and are just jaded with prayer.  If I am in the ministry of catechesis, I would want to focus a large part of my syllabus to teach my students what real prayer is, and how to handle it when we no longer feel any desire to pray. 

 

Just like love, prayer too, is a decision.  It’s not a mere emotion or sentiment.  If love is just an emotion, one will find one’s world turned upside down when there are no longer any familiar emotions or sentiments in one’s love relationship.  But if one is well taught and catechized, one will appreciate that it’s ok if the familiar stirrings of the heart are no longer there.  And that’s because one has learned to base one’s love on the decision to love, and not just on the fleeting feelings or sentiments of love. 

 

When our prayer life is based on the decision to pray, one will not find oneself shaken and lost when those familiar feelings are no longer there. 

 

God, who is love itself, is a being whose love is a decision.  That makes God’s love ever present and real, because God’s love is not emotion-based.  We only need to look seriously at a crucifix to realize this.  On the cross of Calvary, Jesus didn’t base his being crucified so cruelly and inhumanely on his emotions.  He willingly allowed his hands and feet to be nailed because of his decision to love all of sinful humanity.  Just looking at a cross without a corpus on it doesn’t give us the all-important lesson of this.  A plain cross with no body on it doesn’t impart that love is not a feeling, and that real love is rather a decision.

 

The monks in a monastery have something that is taught and imparted using something as simple as a bell or a gong.  The striking of this gong about seven times a day helps the monks to sustain their prayer not just on feelings and sentiments.  Monks in these monasteries pray together ritually each time the bell rings or the gong is struck.  They ritually pray their offices and celebrate Mass together.  Monks are not robots.  They are humans, and the founders or their order or society have wisely chosen to teach the monks that a faithful and regular prayer life is not one that is just based on enthusiasm or sentiments.  Throughout the monastery, whether the monk is on the library or the kitchen, when they hear to bell ring, everything stops and their Divine Office books are opened and their will is being reminded to pray. 

 

As Fr Rolheiser has said it so well, this regularity reminds each monk that time is not their time, but God’s time.  And if their time is God’s time, then their lives are God’s life as well. 

 

My being posted to the Office of Catechesis has something that is similar to the discipline of the monasteries.  Every day, at the precise moment of 12pm, every person in the building of the Catholic Archdiocese Education Centre come out of our offices and gather at the parapet of the building overlooking the ground floor and we pray the Angelus together, ending with a blessing bestowed by any priest who is there at that time.  It’s not because we feel like doing it.  It’s a reminder that prayer, like divine love, is something that is based on a decision.  The purer that decision is, the purer the love will be.

 

May we all learn from Michael Leach, who has taught that falling in love is the easy part; learning to love is the hard part, and living in love is the best part.  If this is true of love, it is so true for prayer as well. 

 

 

 

 

Do we really want to die a happy death? Is this ever on our must-do list in life?

 Ever since I was a seminarian, aspiring to be an ordained priest in the Holy Catholic Church, I was given to be yearning to die a happy death at the end of my earthly existence.  Though we were never really formally instructed what it was to die a happy death, it was something that we nurtured in our hearts as we prepared, albeit sedulously, for the ordination to the priesthood that awaited us as we lived through the seemingly endless days in the 7 years of seminary formation. 

 

This was something that was brought so clearly to my consciousness when I was given the confirmation that I was suffering from the debilitating cancer of leukemia, and that of a very rare form, which was acute lymphocytic leukemia, which if not treated, would probably be fatal within a few months.

 

Of course, this news couldn’t be given to me at a worse time.  I was at that time in the beginning stages of studying for my License in Dogmatic Theology at the Dominican House of Studies in Washington DC.  This meant that I had to stop my pursuit of the degree because I had to focus squarely on my search for a suitable bone marrow donor whose HLA (human leukocyte antigen) typing matches mine. 

 

I will never forget how I reacted when my doctor revealed to me that I was now a patient suffering from a very serious form of cancer.  I smiled quietly, and whispered a prayer of grateful thanks to God for having given me this cross to carry.  I was never angry or resentful for the leukemia, and took full-on the arduous search for a matching HLA donor for my bone marrow transplant. 

 

I would surmise that at that point in my spiritual life, I was completely ready for death.  Of course, thoughts of how my family and loved ones would take the news of my imminent death came to mind, but they did not dampen my positive attitude toward my death.

 

In many of my spiritual readings from renown spiritual authors, I was always aware of the fact that we should never live our lives in ways that will make us die a sad or tragic death.  To be able to die a truly happy death, we need to be striving always to be in a state of grace, and not subject ourselves to unhealthy habits or addictions, and not to live in morally unscrupulous or illicit ways.  Like St Francis of Assisi, we ought to be able to see death as a sister, and welcome her when she made her presence known to us. 

 

To be ready for Sister Death is not to be overly remorse and downcast in life.  In short, it means that we are cognizant that this earthly life is not the be all and end all for everyone.  It’s just a transient stage before we reach our final everlasting state, which for all souls, ought to be in the full embrace of our Heavenly Father in eternity.  This makes us not put too much emphasis in our quest for happiness in this life, which for many, will include having large stores of wealth and a name known and loved by as many people as we can.  It’s the lifelong quest for fame, fortune and reputation. 

 

To be truthful, this is not the reason I went into the seminary to study for the priesthood.  No priest would want to be a priest in order to become rich and famous.  But as the years of the seminary formation passed, as we edged towards the coveted ordination date, we became clearer and clearer that the joys of the priesthood had to free us from the quest for riches, wealth and fame.  That is why at our ordination Mass, we transient deacons would be seen lying prostrate on the floor before the Bishop, signifying that we are ready to die to ourselves, and do be the servants of the Bishop who was going to ordain us in a few moments. 

 

Dying to the self includes us not pursuing things only that will thrill us or bring us some high repute in the eyes of those looking at us.  It frees us from only wanting things that will make us momentarily happy and contented.  It grounds us well and keeps us stable when things in life begin to fall apart.

 

I can’t keep preaching this, because there will be a time when the laity we preach to get tired of hearing us, if we keep droning on about this.  So, I write blogs like this one just so that when readers of my blog page happen to read it, they will get their conscience poked and prodded, and ask themselves the all-important question of whether they are ready to die a happy death.

 

Things that bring a smile to our faces are manifold and plenty, but some of them only bring temporary and transient joys to our lives.  But it is only when we pursue the godly and holy joys that will make us endure the trials and afflictions that are long-term and can even cause our deaths. 

 

May all of us be truly ready to die a happy death when Sister Death comes a-visiting.

When the unexpected happens to us in life, it really isn't as bad as many may think.

 

*  THIS IS NOT A NEW POST.  IT'S AN OLD POST WHICH I NEVER GOT TO POST, AND FOR SOME REASON WAS LOCKED OUT OF MY BLOG PAGE.  I FINALLY FOUND ACCESS TO THE BLOG, AND AM POSTING THIS OLD REFLECTION WHICH NEVER GOT TO BE POSTED.  BUT THE MESSAGE STILL HOLDS TRUE, AND THIS IS WHY I AM POSTING THIS REFLECTION.  PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NOT ABOUT TO GO INTO SURGERY.  

I know that many parishioners who personally know me through my serving them as a priest have been praying for me as the days progress toward my planned surgery to replace the empty parts of my skull with two KEEP plates that are coming in from Switzerland.  This was arranged for me by the dexterous surgeons who in the last part of May 2021 performed the surgery to remove the two parts of my skull as they realized that they were bleeding from the accident that occurred to me while I was exercising early on 24 May.  I have no recollection of that accident having happened.  All I can recall is that one day I woke up after the surgery that took place in Tan Tock Seng Hospital. 

 

And I am profoundly grateful to my parishioners who have been praying almost incessantly for the success of the second operation, after which I will slowly recover and get back into parish life to serve them as one of their priests in the Immaculate Heart of Mary parish in Singapore.  Knowing that there are many who are praying for the intervention of the Holy Spirit as the surgery progresses gives me a tremendous amount of confidence.  The original date of the surgery was slated to be Thursday 24 September, and it is also the feast day of St Padre Pio, whom many are praying to for his intercession for me. 

 

I had set my heart on undergoing that complex surgery on 24 September but I had also been nursing a coughing bout that was accompanied by the expectoration of thick phlegm.  On Friday, 17 September, I had an appointment to see the surgeon at the hospital for a pre-surgery interview where I was analyzed for my suitability and readiness for the 24 September surgery.  It was there that the anesthesiologist had a one to one with me and my brother, and patiently explained to me that with the state of cough that my body is going through, it is unwise to carry on with the surgery on 24 September.  There are complications that can result if what is infecting my lungs with this bout of flu affects my recovering process post-surgery, and suggested (with consultation with his senior surgeons) that the surgery now be moved to a later date instead.  It will now most probably happen sometime in October to keep my post-surgery condition controllable and not be complicated due to me infecting the process of recovery. 

 

I will admit that it sounded like a very positive thing that the surgeon is making such an arrangement.  Understandably, when I informed some friends of the movement of the date, they were visibly disturbed and showed great concern for me.  I kept assuring them that this was most probably moved in order for me, the patient, to benefit in a better way post surgery. 

 

There will often be moments in life when the things we have either been planned for us or the things that we have planned for, get affected by a change of date.  It is tempting to blame anyone, including God, when such things happen to our plans in life, but this would be a dangerous thing to do.  God is ultimately in charge of what happens to us, and if the dates and time table changes, it is best to believe that God has allowed it to happen.  Blaming God with disdain impacts negatively our faith life, and ultimately our relationship with God. 

 

There are many feast days that the church celebrates and observes in the month of October, and one of them is 18 October, which is the feast of my patron saint, St Luke the evangelist.  I would have no qualms if the surgery is moved to that date.  I would be submitting myself to the patronage of my own patron saint who has walked with me through the ups and downs of my personal life.

 

Other notable feasts in October are 2 October of the memorial of the Holy Guardian Angels, October 4 the memorial of St Francis of Assisi, and 7 October, which is the memorial of Our Lady of the Rosary. 

 

The hope of the surgeon is that as my coughing fit heals and I recover from it, there should be about a 14-day period where my body isn’t plagued with the flu bug and they can carry on the planned surgery without the danger of my causing infection to my healing due to the surgery.  I even had to undergo a chest X-Ray at the hospital just to be ensured that my lungs are clear within.  I will only know the new date as the results of the tests that were done to my body and blood emerge.  Right now, the date of the surgery is still not confirmed.

 

Do I hope that my parishioners and friends will still continue to pray for the success of the surgery?  I certainly hope so.  Nothing gives a patient who is undergoing an extensive surgery more than the confidence that those who know him are praying earnestly for his recovery and the deft surgery skills of his surgeon.

 

Now, each day that progresses, I am constant in taking the medications that were administered to me by the doctor I went to see when my coughing started.  I am also praying daily for the help of both Mother Mary and the Holy Spirit to help me in my path out of the coughing and the fullness of the phlegm in my lungs. 

 

If you who are reading this blog are one of my friends who are assisting me in prayer, thank you so much, and may God give you the grace to continue in your prayer for me and the success of the upcoming surgery to my skull.  Till I see you again after recovering from the work of the surgeon’s hands, I want to wish you the choicest blessings of God.

Why is Peter asked by Jesus three times if he loved him?

 It is recorded in John 21:15-17 that after his resurrection, while sharing breakfast together, Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved him.  It is obvious that to Jesus, it was extremely important that Peter expresses clearly and unequivocally that he loved Jesus.  A positive and affirmative answer would be for Jesus a crystal-clear sign that Peter was truly ready for his future ministry.

 

I am certain that there are scripture scholars who have said that asking Peter three times the same question “Do you love me?” is a way of Peter overcoming the three painful denials that Peter was so guilty of before Jesus was crucified on the cross of Calvary.  Peter knew in his heart of hearts that he did consciously and purposely denied Jesus three times.

 

There are two words in Greek that are used for love.  The first is agape love, which is the love that is unconditional.  The first two times Jesus asked Peter the question, he used the word agape.  So, in essence, Jesus was asking Peter if he loved Jesus unconditionally. 

 

However, the way Peter answers Jesus the first two times, he used the word phileo, which is a brotherly/friendship type of love.  In essence, while Jesus asked Peter if he loved him unconditionally, Peter answered that he loved him in a brotherly and friendly way.  It was a wrong answer that Jesus got from Peter.

 

But the third time Jesus asked Peter the question, he used the same phileo word for love, and Peter responded by saying “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.”  In asking Peter to love him in an agape way, he was asking Peter to stretch his love to a more unconditional kind.  He couldn’t.  So, Jesus, from his charitable and loving heart, came down to Peter’s level, and met him at his smallness of his heart.

 

Jesus was readying Peter’s heart to love his sheep in a sacrificial and effortful way. 

As the programme of Marriage Encounter stresses so clearly, love is at its root, a decision.  This is of utmost importance because the problem with so many people, love is much more a feeling or a sentiment, and couples in many years of married life are often yearning and searching for that sentiment they experienced when they were in their courtship years.  They long to have that feeling all over again, because it was so easy and delightful to love when they had those feelings.

 

But the problem lies in the fact that feelings and sentiments are things that affect the very weak and momentary movements of the human heart.  Every human heart has its ups and downs, and because of its fluctuations, a sentiment or feeling doesn’t last for a very long time. 

 

But when love is understood to be a decision, it changes everything.  It means that no matter what happens, no matter what pains and turmoil that the human heart can experience, the love that was declared and vowed at the wedding altar before the priest and the gathered community of family and friends perseveres and will not be shaken. 

 

This understanding of love (that love is a decision) is what holds a married couple’s love strong and is an unmovable stalwart amidst the trials and temptations of life.  But if love is only a sentiment or feeling, it can easily fall apart once the pain of trials and temptations make their unwanted presence felt.

 

But I do understand that arriving at this strong definition of true love is not something automatic, and that it takes time.  That is why couples planning on getting married need to go for marriage preparation courses to be exposed to the critical instructions on decision-based love before reaching the altar on their wedding. 

 

It would be extremely helpful if this was taught to us in our secondary school days, but as it is, there are so many subjects that teenagers have to learn before their very important ‘O’ level examinations at the age of 16 years.  They would probably not treat this as something that is critical for their adult years later on. 

 

If we priests base our love only on feelings and sentiments, so many of us would easily have stopped being loving shepherds to the members of our parishes.  But most of us know that love is a decision, and it’s a vital part of the commitment we made on the day that we were ordained as priests by our bishop. 

 

Ultimately, love is not a many splendored thing.  Rather, love is a commitment and a decision, and we are reminded of this whenever we cast our eyes on the image of Jesus crucified on his cross on Calvary.  That, dear reader, is an unmistakable display of how deep a decision it was when Jesus gave up his life to save us sinners. 

Can we ever deserve the grace of God?

 In my education and moral education, I have been brought up to understand that we need to work for things that delight us in life.  So, we worked hard in school to get the grades that we wanted to attain, and morally, we would live the kind of life that merits us the blessings and graces that we need to be seen by God as lovable and humble.  But deep down inside, what I never realized is that I nurtured the wrong understanding about the graciousness of God and his love.

 

It only struck me as significant when I was ordained a priest, and started to minister to the people as someone who hears their confessions.  I have often wondered if I was being too liberal in administering God’s mercy and forgiveness when, no matter how heinous the sins were, at the end of the sacrament, I would confer on them the abstinence, restoring them to the grace of God.  Sometimes, the more serious the sin, the more the question would pass my consciousness – am I being too free with God’s mercy to this person?

 

Perhaps part of me had this questionable understanding – we need to be able to deserve the merits of God.  But in truth, grace is not something that we merit in life.  There is this well-known passage in the Gospel, where a rich young man turned down Jesus’ invitation to leave everything and follow him, but Peter, who watched this happening, asked Jesus what those who do give up everything to follow Jesus are going to get in return.  In response, Jesus conveys the parable of the generous land owner and the vineyard workers who were employed at different times of the day, and at the end of the day, all of them were remunerated the same pay regardless of the number of hours they spent laboring in the hot sun.  Those who worked the longer hours in the heat expressed bitterness and unfairness.  In the parable, the vineyard owner (who is God), states that there is no unfairness as everyone has in fact received an over-generous payment.

 

There is a deep lesson in this parable for all of us.  This protestation of unfairness demonstrates that in the end of the world, on judgement day, there will be people who have not been as faithful as we have, but will be still receiving the full mercy and grace of God.  In short, we could be much like the older brother in the parable of the Prodigal Father, who lived in the love and provision of the father, but was either unhappy or felt it unfair that his younger and petulant brother, who returned at the end of his cavorting and self-pleasure, was enjoying the provision of such splendor and comfort by the same father.

 

What if, in all the Catholic funeral Masses that had been celebrated for the deceased believers, there were many who, unbeknownst to the celebrant priest, had lived a life of complete selfishness and never went for Masses on Sundays?  Was the priest being too liberal in giving them the funeral that saw them off to either the crematorium or the grave?  Would a priest be punished for being too free in dispensing God’s mercy and forgiveness to sinners?  We will only know when we see our judge at the end of our lives.

 

I don’t want to imagine the effect would have on believers if a priest refused a funeral, perhaps for a person who hadn’t been interested in the church all their lives.  And I wonder how many Catholics, reading this blog reflection, would find this story comforting rather than discomforting and disturbing, especially in the light of the strong ethos of the church today where many are nursing the fear that we may be handing out God’s grace and mercy in a haphazard way. 

 

The painful truth is this – grace and mercy, like love in the truest sense, are never given out cheaply.  And like love, it is never truly merited by the receiver.

How it feels like to be in exile.

 It was back on 9 October, 2009, that I started my blog and named it Reflections and Ruminations.  There’s a common saying that ‘time flies when you are having fun’, and I am wondering if this truism applies to the arduous and onerous work of keeping a blog alive and active.  All I did was to put my thoughts and reflections into print, and I made myself do it regularly, keeping my blog site alive and active.  Although I can’t say that it was fun doing this on a regular basis, I must admit that time literally flew by.  Just looking at the years alone, we are now in the year 2024, and it means that I have written about 15 years’ worth of my spiritual musings and reflections.  I must say I am rather surprised that I have pursued so many years of writing, and I pray that my thoughts have helped my readers to pursue holiness in their own individual lives.

 

Those of you who are in Singapore and have their ear to the ground must know that I have been removed as an assistant priest in the parish of the Immaculate Heart of Mary in Hougang, and have taken residence in the rather new and purpose-built major seminary in the environs of Upper Bukit Timah, just across the road from the Bukit Gombak camp of the Ministry of Defense.  I have been told by the Cardinal to take this time as my removal from parish ministry, and should not, without hitherto permission, celebrate Masses or give talks in the other parishes in the Archdiocese of Singapore. 

 

I have taken those words of advice from the Cardinal seriously, and it has become a habit of mine now to say a ‘no’ to all requests for me to go to parishes to either say Mass or to give spiritual talks.  In the past, my ‘no’ would only be said if the dates asked for were already taken by other appointments.  These days, I don’t even have to check my diary, and the automatic response to the requesters would be an apologetic ‘no’, said in the most courteous and friendly way.  When asked why, my first response is always because I am obedient to my superior, who is the Cardinal Archbishop of Singapore.  I do not resent him for putting me in this position, but deep inside of me, I am thankful that I am given this opportunity to rest and take on the slow road toward recovery from my unfortunate accident, and to slowly regain my strength and energy which took quite a beating from the injury and the surgery that followed it.

 

So here I am, in some form of twilight zone where I am both here and not here at the same time.  I can do one of two things.  Firstly, I can become full of resentment and bitterness to be treated this way, after having been ordained for 24 years to serve as a minister to the lay people of the faith.  Secondly, I can choose to become calm and at peace, taking this time as a precious and very rare form of recollection and rest, and just wait patiently for the next appointment, where, if God wills it, I can become a parish priest of one parish in Singapore.  I look at my own seminary classmates, and all of them are now parish priests.  I seem to be the one that is sadly left on the shelf, leaving many of the priests in the archdiocese wondering why I have been sidelined by the authorities.  If they want to form their own conclusions why I have been excluded in being promoted to being a parish priest, I will let them do so.  I would be taking on so much trouble onto myself if I were to be annoyed and insist that everyone understands my position, or lack of. 

 

Life is often a mixed bag of experiences, and I choose to look at my current situation as one of those experiences that are challenging and difficult to accept positively.  If I could take having Leukemia as a very positive experience, this should not be all that difficult.  If I wanted to be bitter at having Leukemia, I could, because it is a life-threatening illness.  But I chose to take it as one of the many ways that I could offer my life for the benefit and positive effect for the souls in purgatory.  My model for being so positive was, of course, Jesus Christ, who took on the ardor and humiliation of the crucifixion on Calvary, for the benefit of the millions and millions of sinful souls.  I considered myself so blessed to have been given the chance of undergoing a hardship and suffering that others can benefit from. 

 

Exiles can be taken positively, and I choose to take this current exile I am in, as something positive, though in a very hidden way.  You, my dear reader, may be in some form of similar exile in your life, and I want to encourage you to be as positive as you can, and use it as something that helps you toward your goal of heaven and the real presence of Jesus.

 

Negativity can be a form of cancer in life, with many side effects that add pains to punishment, and scars to a healthy body.  We owe it to ourselves to remain always positive in life. 

 

Life is not about feelings.  True, we may experience feelings from time to time.  But like love, it cannot be about feelings.  Love is a decision, and that makes love powerful, because our feelings are temporary and arbitrary as well.  When it is a decision, love becomes powerful.  Let our love for God not be a feeling as well.  God may from time to time delight us with some feelings and sensations, but it is not something that God regularly does.  Make your love for God a decision, and let that chart your course toward heaven become stable and foundational. 

 

If Jesus based his life on this earth on feelings, he could have easily said “this is useless and such a waste of time!” while he was hanging lifeless and brutally injured on the crucifix on Calvary.  Yet, he didn’t.  It was a decision that he made to go through the entire punishing procedure of the crucifixion.  It took courage, and of course, it took not just love, but a massive and life-threatening decision of love. 

 

May you be just as courageous and positive in facing the exiles of your life, and let the courage and determination of Jesus be what spurs you on to bearing the insurmountable burdens in life. 

 

And when we meet each other in heaven after our earthly life ends, let it be something that floods our hearts and minds the greatest joy that we have ever known.  God love you.

How deep does our courage for suffering go?

 In my 23 years as an ordained Catholic priest, I have had many opportunities to minister to Catholic parishioners who had been ill, and many of them were hospitalized for their illness. 

 

The ordained priest tends to the sick in several ways.  In the sacramental way, the priest can anoint the sick, and if the infirmed are conscious and are able and willing, their confession can be heard, giving them the inner peace that all of us sinners need throughout our lives.  Together with the sacrament of the sick, we can also bring Holy Communion to them so that they receive Jesus, who is truly present in the Eucharistic Host. 

 

But at the heart of illness and all forms of afflictions that the body can experience, is the awareness of the virtue of offering up our sufferings for the souls in purgatory.  This awareness isn’t something that happens overnight, but is like every virtue that we want to attain in life.  No virtue is instilled in an instant.  The virtue for chastity, obedience, humility and generosity is a journey that is slow and somehow meandering path. 

 

I just came to know of someone who was a godfather to a few young children, and he had a tragic accident when he climbed a ladder to fix a ceiling fan and fell from it, fracturing his skull and spine, and went into a coma.  In my conversation with the mother of one of his godchildren, I said that in cases like these, I hope the afflicted one knows that he has the ability to offer up his sufferings for souls in purgatory.  The mother of the godchild replied that a patient who is comatose would not know or be conscious of offering up anything.  This is when I tried to explain to her that in truth, it is only when one has striven in his lifetime to offer up pains and afflictions for souls in purgatory, would he in this comatose state, be desiring to offer up what he cannot overcome.  If he has never heard of such a virtue, there is little chance that he would now do it when he is comatose. 

 

I give a personal testimony to this.  When I was suffering from the many fevers while I was studying in Washington DC for a license in Dogmatic Theology, I consciously offered up my pains and physical torments for the souls in purgatory.  They didn’t make the suffering less, but a lot more meaningful.  I wouldn’t have done that if I had not beforehand read the many spiritual books on suffering as a virtue.  It was already hitherto a part of my spirituality, instilled into my system.  By then, it was already a flowering and fruiting plant that was started as a tiny insipid seed that was planted into the soil of my heart.  If no seed had been planted, I would not have suddenly known that I want to offer my sufferings for the benefit of souls in purgatory. 

 

And this went on to serve me well when I came back from DC to get my fevers diagnosed, and after seeing three doctors, it was confirmed that I was afflicted by Leukemia, and of a very serious and rare type.  When I was told by the hematologist that I was suffering from biphenotypic acute leukemia, was smiled broadly, and this was very alarming to the doctor.  He said that never in his experience of informing patients that they were afflicted with leukemia, there was joy on their faces.  Why I smiled was because I knew from that point on, that my suffering and affliction would be beneficial to the souls in purgatory.  I my heart, there and then, I was thanking God for this gift of suffering in my life.

 

If I hadn’t nurtured in my heart and soul that there is a meaning in suffering in life, I would not have taken the news so well.  I could see God’s magnificent hand in this, and he also paved the way for me to be saved by a stem cell transplant from a generous and kind donor who was half the world away in Chicago, Illinois.  My deep gratitude to Peter Mui for his generosity and kindness grows more and more each day, because due to his generosity, I have an underserved gift of each day of life.

 

I do realize that among the majority of Catholics, only a small number take their sufferings and afflictions in life so positively.  And they know this is true only when their sufferings in life take them by surprise.  I hope that by writing about this truth, I am encouraging my readers, especially the Catholic ones, to truly start to sow that seed of positivity and begin to take the afflictions in life seriously.  Just don’t start too late, because like all things that are difficult, doing well in it is a long journey.  There are no quick fixes in wanting to handle suffering well in life.

 

We are courageous in many things in life, but the one thing that is outstanding is when one has the courage to go through afflictions and suffering well. 

 

And do remember that crosses in life are not meant to be something that we carry alone.  Jesus helps us to carry them well, and let’s start familiarizing ourselves with Jesus, the savior of humankind.

How do we live out our prophetic calling in life?

 Our Catechism teaches and reminds us that by virtue of our baptism, we are all priests, prophets and kings.  We live out our priestly life by being ministers to the world around us, serving and being humble through our reaching out to the community around us.  Certainly, not all of us are ordained ministers, but the priest without the capital P, is not an ordained being who serves in the sanctuary of the Church. 

 

The term ‘minister’ comes from the Middle English, deriving from the Old French word ministre, originally minister in Latin, meaning “servant, attendant”, which was derived from the word ‘minus’ meaning “less”.

 

In the political realm, this aspect of minister is often, sadly, missing and even ignored.  In many countries, being a minister in the government brings with it a whole lot of privilege and profundity, honor, and are often paid a rather handsome salary.  Many ministers in governments are given the secure protection of police and even secret service.  They are often seen as high-ranking beings and are invited to host important events surrounded by press and paparazzi.  There is very little emphasis on the role of a servant or attendant in many ministers in governments. 

 

Yet, this doesn’t change the fact that our Catechism teaches us that each baptized person is a priest, prophet and king.  We are to live out our baptism in humble service of the community that we are in, and to understand that we have a royal dimension in being the children of God our creator and shepherd of souls.  This helps us not to be too disturbed and perplexed when we are not persons of status and rank in society.  It is not what our fellow human beings see in us, but more importantly, what our Divine Lord sees in each of us. 

 

The Church teaches us that the prophetic mission of the baptized has to be rooted in the example of Jesus Christ.  He came to proclaim the Good News of salvation and to liberate and free people who were subjected to sin and death.  This was the primary mission of Jesus Christ, but it was not limited to Jesus’ own ministry, but extended with love to his followers as well.  We the baptized are his followers.  Just as the 12 apostles continued Jesus’ work of preaching the Gospel and healing the sick, liberating them from enslavement to sin, this task is also ours to continue.  The moment we do our bit in proclaiming Jesus Christ with our words and in our work, we become prophets.

 

We live as prophets when we first listen to God’s voice speaking to our hearts.  The prophets in the Old Testament were able to convincingly communicate God’s message to the people, because they heard and responded to God’s voice.  Isaiah gives us an example of doing this when he responded to God’s question of “Whom shall I send?  And who will go for us?”  Isaiah courageously responded “Here am I.  Send me!”  (Is 6:8).  This shows a brave willingness to answer God’s call, despite the fact that it would lead him out of his comfort zone, and this is at the heart of what it means to be a prophet.

 

Living out our prophetic calling in life is never going to be a bed of roses.  Actually, it is, when the bed of roses includes the thorns as well as the flowers.  The phrase isn’t a “bed of rose petals”. 

 

Speaking the truth doesn’t come without its challenges.  It is also a call to be able to confront the evils of the world.  When we speak out against the sinfulness and wanting to transform society, it will in most cases, have us meet with unpopularity and being uncomfortable.  Effective prophets do not fear resistance, opposition and even hostility.  We need to be mindful that Jesus warned his disciples that they would be like “lambs in the midst of wolves” (Lk 10:3).  The true Christian prophet may not be spared suffering, but Jesus assures his disciples that they will be given every necessary grace and strength to be able to carry out the mission God gives them.  Sts Peter and Paul are stalwart examples of lives that can be plagued with sufferings and afflictions when being prophetic in their roles as disciples of Jesus.

 

 Many Catholics have not heard the emphasis on the prophetic role of a baptized person.  It isn’t hard to imagine how badly this will affect the numbers of babies baptized after birth if it were.  And because it hasn’t been emphasized, there are very few Catholics who live out their prophetic roles sedulously and courageously. 

 

There are, I am sure, many parents of baptized children who do read my blog on this website.  I am always grateful for this.  My hope is that after reading this, you will try to teach your children about this side-stepped role of the baptized person in the Church, helping to propagate the Good News of God’s great and saving love for the world.

Do our lives get affected by the presence of guardian angels?

 There are many things that our catechism teaches us about God and life.  The book of Genesis makes no qualms about creation and its origins, and that it was God who made them and gives them life to thrive and reproduce.  Of course, the apex of his creation happened when out of soil he made Adam, and from his side, Eve. 

 

The compendium called Catechism of the Catholic Church specifically mentions angels in the life of the Church, stating that the whole life of the Church benefits from the mysterious and powerful help of angels.  We are also taught that the angels, and that we celebrate the memory of certain angels more particularly, especially St Michael, St Gabriel, St Raphael, and the guardian angels.

 

It also teaches us that beside each believer stands an angel as protector and shepherd leading him to life.  So, this means that from the moment of our birth or baptism, God dispatches a particular angel to guard us on our journey as we live our lives to glorify God.

 

Our belief in angels guarding us in life can be understood by some as God’s real presence in our life.  Do I have personal experiences of angels who have helped me in my dark and dreary moments?  I am blessed to be able to say that I do, and am proud of those moments as they have strengthened my spiritual life in ways beyond my reckoning.

 

I was enlisted to serve my National Service after my ‘A’ levels, and started out like all recruits, with Basic Military Training, otherwise known as BMT.  One goes through all kinds of physical exercises in the first three months of NS, and one of them is the SOC or Standard Obstacles Course.  One of the exercises in this SOC is where we have to climb up a balance beam and at the end of it, jump off the beam and land on our feet, squatting.  It was at this landing part where I found that I couldn’t stand up, and had to sent by speed boat to the main land so that I could go to the hospital to get treated by a doctor.  There were all sorts of tests I had to go through, and after several months, it was ascertained that I suffered from Spondylolisthesis, which is a condition involving spine instability, where the vertebrae move more than they should.  Finally, because of this incident, my fitness grading was immediately moved from A down to E permanently, and I had to undergo physiotherapy and be supported by wearing a brace, much like a corset beneath my army fatigue. 

 

Then, as most of my readers would know, in 2013, I was diagnosed with a very severe cancer of the blood, called leukemia.  It was life-threatening, and the only way I could find some hope was to be able to get a donor of stem cells from someone who matched my human leukocyte antigen, otherwise known as HLA.  The search had to go out to the world, as no matching donor was found locally.  The journey was arduous, and after about 7 tries, one was finally found, and Peter Mui, a truly kind and generous donor, turned out to be from of all places, half the world away in Chicago, Illinois.  Without a matching donor’s providence of his precious stem cells, I would not have had the chance of remission.  Needless to say, the donation worked wonders, and I am now in remission from a very rare strain of leukemia, and I am daily so grateful to Peter for his selfless act of reaching out to save a total stranger in Singapore.  And the most interesting thing about him is that the day that he signed up to be a bone marrow donor was the day right after I was ordained a priest here in Singapore.  To show my gratitude to Peter, I gave him a watch that my grandfather gave me, and asked an engraver to etch some words at the back of the watch face.  It reads “Time given for the gift of time.”  Peter wears this watch daily now.

 

Lastly, most of you will know that in May 2021, I was exercising outside of the parish in the early hours of the morning when I was hit by a van, and it sent me careening onto the road, and my head was injured, leaving a cracked skull, needing a prosthesis to cover my brain.  The recovery from that accident was arduous, and I am still suffering some degree of weakness as I cannot now go for long runs. 

 

In all of these three moments of being close to death, I was never fearful, but full of hope.  I was glad to be suffering from leukemia, so that I can now tell cancer patients receiving chemotherapy that I know what they are going through because I have had a similar experience myself.  In those moments of afflictions, I was always cognizant of God’s presence in my life, and that I was guarded by his Divine presence. 

 

Angels do not leave us in our lives.  We may not be able to detect their presence, but that doesn’t mean that they are absent from us.  Angels help us to live our lives in ways that glorify our Beloved Creator, God.  We should show our gratitude to these angels by constantly thanking God for them in our lives, that we have them as our guiding lights to show us to path that leads us to our heavenly home after our time on this earth ends. 

 

As Ronald Rolheiser once said, God is closer to us that we are to ourselves, and God’s solicitous love, guidance and protection are with us always.  God is indeed omnipresent.    Praise be to God.

Do we choose our vocation, or does our vocation choose us?

 I do believe, as some spiritual writers have written, that God gives each of us a vocation to live out.  In Roman Catholic spirituality, Fr Ronald Rolheiser says that we were put on this earth with a divine plan for us.  In that light, one question would be “how do we see vocation in this light?”  Well, in discerning our vocation, we need to see it as something that we give ourselves over to, and in very many cases, that comes at a price, and the price is that of having to renounce our own dreams and passions.  We need to be free to accept it or not, but each choice has its consequences.  The last thing we would ever want is to be accused of having to make the choice to live a misdirected and misguided life.

 

I have this thought of my vocation largely because a couple of weeks back, on 20 June, I celebrated my 23^rd sacerdotal anniversary, because it was on 20 June 2001 that I was ordained a Catholic priest at my ordination to the priesthood in the parish of St Anne’s. 

 

Anniversaries tend to give us reason to ponder and appreciate in a new way how we are living our lives.  I am certain that married couples would annually think seriously about how they have lived out their marital vows, bringing back to mind the ways they have made the effort to vow to love each other, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, till death separates them for good. 

 

It should not surprise anyone that in our present world, there is a culture that permeates everywhere, that there is a belief that personal freedom is the aspiration of everyone.  I recall fondly how my own father responded to me when I asked him if it was alright with him if I entered the seminary to pursue my desire to become a priest.  He asked me why I wanted to do this, and I said that deep inside of me, I believe that God is calling me to become a priest and going to the seminary will help me to find out if this is truly God’s calling.  This was what dad told me:  “Well, it’s better that you go into the seminary to find this out for sure, because if you don’t, you may live to the age of 50 or 60, and find yourself asking the same question, and by then, it would be too late for you to do anything about it.”.  And he closed his response by assuring me:  “Remember – if you find out that this is not for you, just pack up and come home.  The door is always open to you, and you will always be welcome home.”

 

Each year on the anniversary of my sacerdotal ordination, I always fondly recall those reassuring words from my father, who has already passed away.  And I find myself smiling to myself, that I had the courage to ask for the blessing of my parents to enter the seminary. 

 

Of course, the training of the seminary years was not a walk in the park.  Okay, sometimes it did seem like a park – Jurassic Park.  But I will say that I truly enjoyed the discipline of the seminary system and the way that each day was planned out for us.  Examinations were a regular part of the life of a seminarian, and I once calculated that in our 7 years of seminary training, we went through a gamut of around 70 different examinations, ending with a mammoth examination for the Baccalaureate of Theology, taken in the seminary in Penang, West Malaysia.

 

It was James Hollis, a Jungian therapist, who said that vocation is a summons of the soul.  He also says that it is as if we were sent to a land with a royal assignment, and if we dithered or forgotten the task, then we would have violated our reason for being where we are in life.  Painful as it sounds, there is deep truth in that. 

 

What I am certain of is this – at the end of our lives, when we stand before our divine judge, we will hear Jesus say whether we have lived out our God-given vocation.  At that moment, we will know for certain if we have given the best of our lives to what God had planned for us from the moment of our creation. 

 

Heaven and the eternity that will be lived out in heaven will be a time to celebrate the mercy and love that only God, the giver of life, can give a soul.  There will be an endless experience of joy and peace in our hearts when we know that we had fulfilled what God willed for us in life. 

 

Ultimately, it’s not so much that we choose our vocations, but that because our vocations have chosen us, the two choices merged and harmonized in our lives. 

 

It will be a sad experience to know at the end of our lives that we had wasted our lives because we chose only what our hearts desired, all because we prized our freedom more than anything else. 

 

May God be with all of you who are discerning your vocation now, and for those who have already made their choice of vocation in life, may you find the joy and happiness that only God can give.