I’m not sure if it is something that plagues the current generation more than it did the previous generations before us, but there certainly is a great emphasis that many people place on their feelings, sentiments and emotions. While I am not denying that as human beings, that our feelings and sentiments are real, it is when there is an over emphasis and heavy reliance on its importance that these can become problematic for us, and this is especially so when it comes to our prayer life.
It is only when we understand that prayer is not just any kind of communication that we have with God, but a purposeful communication, which is a communication of love and worship, that we will not become panicky and overly concerned when our prayer experience has a distinct lack of emotions or feelings.
But what exactly does a communication of love entail? First of all, we need to understand that God is love. He isn’t just loving, he isn’t just lovely, but he IS love. There is a whole lot of difference between God being lovely and God being love itself. The latter means that God is the origin and source of love and the pre-eminent definition of love. All love comes from him in his Trinitarian love relationship, and all distortions of love and selfish forms of possessive and abusive love is an abomination of God’s love.
Because God is love in its purest and most unselfish, when we are in a love communication with God, our love for God in prayer necessarily ought to be as pure and as unsullied as possible. The understanding of this is what lies at the heart of St Thomas Aquinas’ definition of love as ‘willing the good of the other as other’. That should be the standard that we hope to attain, but at the same time, be accepting of the fact that this will be an aim that will be a work-in-process as long as we are on this side of heaven. Our sinful nature will always stand in the way of our love being as pure as it should be.
Notice that the words ‘emotions’, ‘sentiments’ and ‘feelings’ do not appear at all in St Thomas’ definition of love. This is not to say that these have no value at all in our human experience of love and of being loving. But it does mean that when we love despite the fact that these good feelings are not present in our act of loving, that our love has a certain purity about it, and therefore a certain godliness about it. Just think about the way a husband and wife in a marriage that has lasted many decades love one another. Often, in the amber or golden years, those sentiments and feelings that surged in the heart when they were a young couple aren’t as roaring, crackling or electrifying by the time they are grandparents. But still being loving in those times despite there being a distinctive lack of such delightful consolations requires effort. The fact that this effort is made is evidence of a love that is centered on the other, for the sake of the other.
Having said this, there may well be moments that we spend in prayer that could see us experiencing what are called the ‘consolations’ in prayer. These are the times when God gives us an experience of his love and his presence, where we intuit in a very real and ‘felt’ way God’s love for us. These can come most unexpectedly, and these are what I believe are God’s ‘treats’ for us. While these may delight us, and indeed they should, our motive for praying needs to steer away from wanting more and more of these consolations and treats. Why? Simply because if we are praying for another consolation or another prayer ‘high’, we end up looking for the ‘high’ that God gives, rather than seeking the giver of the experience, God himself. This is when our motive for prayer needs purification, because our love needs purification.
It takes great humility to want God more than what God can give, because it means that we value less of what we desire (in terms of feelings and sentiments), and value God himself above all of them. To only want the treats that God gives us may not mean that we love God. We may be loving him only because of his gifts.
So I wouldn’t be too concerned, or concerned at all if I don’t feel anything special when I pray. Wanting some consolations when going into prayer could be a sign that I’m placing too much focus on myself, and making prayer about me rather than making it about God.
I used to be an avid "prayer-when-I-get-the-urge-to" person, and then one day, decided to, hopefully, "level-up", by introducing a routine of saying the Rosary once each day.
ReplyDeleteIt was not too long following that, that I encountered the road block you write off, and it was definitely a long bump in the road for me. Was there something wrong in my approach, I often wondered. After all, as potrayed in movies/texts, the Saints are always in fervent prayer and have such love that every prayer (as implied/potrayed) is one of abounding pleasure and delight.
I tried to tackle this in logical sense, coming up with methods to combat this feeling of "not feeling it". One was to divide the prayer sessions, over the course of the day, another one was to recite it very fast, and there were others too. All of it worked for awhile, then it was back to square one, and then the last one, was just resigning to the fact that just say whatever, and whenever, and even if I don't complete the decade, its fine because, I reasoned, the intention was good, and the heart was there, and that's what matters.
After doing that last method for some time, it didn't sit right with me and decided to do the decade-a-day based on routine and devotion. The reasoning was that if one did it as one felt like, then there wasn't much devotion and loyalty, and it reduces it to the same level as everything else. (lift weights when you feel like it, or watch TV when you feel like it). It shouldn't be the same as those things, but more along the lines of taking care of elderly parents. You may need to take them for hospital appointments when you may not feel like it, but you do anyway, and although there may not be overwhelming zeal in this, it's not a Monday-blues kind of thing where you truly have to drag yourself out of bed, but instead, there is an underlying sense of love, loyalty and bond which drives the person. Similar to praying, both these actions are, in part, a demonstration of aforementioned values. Not things to do on a whim or fancy. Otherwise it has no meaning other than to satisfy us.
Thank you Father for writing on this rarely touched on subject and affirming that it is normal, and ok, and what to focus on and what not. Wish it had existed sooner so it would help cut-down on lengthy experimentations and ponderings, but for me and people like me, now it serves to affirm that one is on the right track, and therefore has added greatly to our resolve in prayer.(as opposed to just wondering about whether you are doing something right or even thinking you're "probably" right, which makes the action significantly more "flimsy")