The challenge of bringing little children to Mass each Sunday.

If one goes by the letter of the law (as far as Canon Law is concerned), then parents would not be faulted if they simply come to Mass without their children because the laws of the Church are only binding for children who have reached the age of reason, which is around 7 years.

But this doesn’t exonerate Catholic parents from fulfilling a very binding parental duty of baptized children, which is something that every Catholic couple promises to at the Marriage Pre-nuptial Enquiry with their priest, where they promise to bring their children up and educate them in their faith.  This phrase “educating children in the faith” is as deep as it is broad, and the educating of children in the faith includes giving them the opportunities to be familiar with regularity at church and Mass attendance on a weekly basis. It is not to be only understood as making sure that the children attend weekly catechism classes in the parish. Properly understood the parents are the first catechists of their children, way before they get introduced to their catechism teachers at the age of seven.

Being regular at Mass on Sundays and being comfortable with prayer isn’t something that is easily caught like a flu bug. It requires training and it requires great effort.  I may not be a parent, but I am fully aware of the great challenges couples have when they bring their infants to church on Sundays.  If one were to merely follow the guidelines laid out by Canon Law alone, children would only start coming to Mass when they reach the age of seven. Which child would willingly do this at 7 years of age, if he or she had not been regularly exposed to this practice on a weekly basis for the first 6 years of his or her life?  It thus makes great sense to start this practice right from the beginning of our child’s earthly life.

Just getting these helpless babes ready to go out at a specific time and to meet a target that is out of one’s control is a feat in itself, partly because the call of nature ignores such schedules.  As a priest celebrant at Mass on Sundays, I look at these determined parents with full respect because I see such great effort to do this without fail each Sunday. Being on time at Mass for these parents is often a hit and miss event.  Sometimes they make it on time, and sometimes they don’t.  I give them and these families a very wide berth and extend truckloads of charity toward them.

I can see that they are trying hard to do what is best for their children, and they want their family’s presence at Mass to make a difference to the Body of Christ, and believe me, it does make a world of difference.  I have visited churches in many other countries where parents themselves aren’t regular at Sunday Mass, and the congregation is often void of the presence and sounds of little children.  The Body of Christ at such Masses are often mainly a geriatric gathering, and it makes for a weakened faith just by the physical absence of our younger brothers and sisters.

It doesn’t make it any easier for these parents when the community around them cannot appreciate all that they are doing to educate their children in the faith either.  Often, and this is not an exaggeration, I do get complaints from church goers about parents who do nothing to calm their crying babies in church, and get very upset that their plaintive cries at Mass are causing a distraction, and these parents get the death stare from their fellow Catholics in the surrounding pews.  

Whilst some Churches are blessed to have a space specially set aside as a ‘crying room’ for these parents, not all Churches have the luxury of space.  My parish certainly doesn’t.  Can anything be done to help assuage the situation?  While no solution can ever be a perfect solution, there is one thing that I do tell parents which I believe can help tremendously.  

Where you should be seated at Mass needs to take into consideration the age of your children.

When children are infants, the best place to be seated is at the back, near the exit doors.  This is because it gives you a quick way to bring your crying child out of the prayer hall, out of the earshot of the parishioners. Some churches have external speakers where people standing outside the main hall can still participate in the Mass. And once your child is calmed and contented, you can easily join your family back inside the church.  A seat that is near the doors of the church enables you to do that without disturbing the community too much.

If your child is a toddler, the back of the church is going to be the worst place to be seated, for the simple reason that toddlers need to be engaged.  They want to see what is going on in the front.  When they are small in stature, especially when the congregation stands, all that they are going to see is the backs of people, and there is nothing exciting nor engaging about staring at a wall made up of peoples’ backs.  They are sure to be bored silly, and begin to stir. They need to be right up in front, where the ‘action’ is.  Let them see Father as he receives the gifts, prepares the Altar, and raises the Paten and the Chalice containing the consecrated Lord.  Let them smell the incense, even if this finds them covering their noses as the smoke fills the air.  At least they are being engaged, and as all children are wont to be, they will begin to ask questions - why is Father doing this or that, why is he wearing such strange clothing.  Why is it green today, when last week it was white?  These are teaching moments for every parent, and it keeps them engaged even after the Mass is over.  

Many Churches also have an upper gallery and I do notice that many parents like to be seated there.  If you have infants or toddlers, those are the worst placesto be in, mainly because it is such a walk to get up there, and once your child starts getting cranky or starts to praise God in a language of his own (i.e. bawling), you are not likely to make that long walk downstairs, going past all the seated parishioners.  You are, and I have seen this constantly, going to just try to calm the child by carrying him in your arms and do the ‘bouncing movement’ and walk up and down the back of the gallery, thinking that this will either calm the child or make yourself invisible to the crowd and to the celebrant of the Mass.  Believe me, you won’t.  You are in fact making things harder for all concerned.  

The other thing that needs to be said, and regularly too, is this:  

Parishioners seated around or near families with young children need to extend great charity towards them

If you find yourself bothered terribly by the crying of children at Mass, there are two things that you can do. Firstly, you can always find another place to be seated at Mass, away from the distraction that believe these children are.  You are not obliged to always be seated at the same place each Sunday, but I do suspect that many parishioners are creatures of habit.  

Secondly, it would certainly help if all of us can walk a mile or two in the shoes of these parents before we start criticizing them and castigating them without words.  I am sure that with all things being equal, these parents too wouldn’t want to have crying children at Mass.  Our charity towards them needs to take this into consideration, and when we do, we will find our judgments on them evaporating rather quickly.  When we do this, our love for our brothers and sisters will be put into action, and we will strengthen the Body of Christ in a very powerful way.  

Just remember that Jesus always welcomed the little children, simply because it is to them that the Kingdom of God belongs.  If we make it difficult for the little ones and their families to come to Mass, can we really say that the Kingdom of God belongs to us as well?