It could well be due the fact that I have been celebrating numerous
funeral Masses so close to each other lately that I have been given in to
thinking and reflecting about the fleetingness of life or the inevitability of
death more than the average person does.
Many people seem to have the idea that thinking of death is such a
morbid thing. The moment the topic of
death is mentioned, some become strangely silent, suggesting a change of topic
or become awkwardly uncomfortable. One
of my first spiritual directors had been sedulous in promoting his strong
belief of the necessity of a regular meditation on death. I have since been convinced of its benefits,
the chief of which is gratitude.
Catholics of a generation past would often have prayed for a happy
death, and the patron of this is St Joseph.
Perhaps it is because St Joseph’s demise has never been mentioned in the
pages of Sacred Scripture that it was believed that he died a naturally happy
death, and that he would be the model and patron of this grace. Some traditions of our faith are still open
to healthy and respectful questioning.
But one question that remains, and not often addressed is ‘what constitutes
a happy death’?
In my numerous pastoral encounters with persons whose deaths were
imminent and foreseeable, I have noticed one thing – that a good heart-searing
confession doth maketh a restful spirit.
As much as the Sacrament of Anointing includes the absolution of sins,
the quality of a restful soul is clearly evident when the one experiencing the
anointing has had that opportunity to truthfully speak about what had weighed
most heavily on his or her heart for the longest period of time. It certainly takes a lot of soul work to
articulate the ways in which one had been living falsely. Identifying where in life one had been
callous and selfish requires a humility that knows that it is simply not good
to take these with him or her to meet God.
A general absolution of sins objectively does take these sins away, but
there is also the element of divine justice that awaits one who hasn’t died to
oneself in raw honesty. I truly believe
that a happy death has very much to do with dying with an honesty, especially
one that requires articulation.
It is true that oftentimes, when a person who had been battling
illness for a considerable period of time comes to that stage where the mind is
no longer quite as lucid, nor able to communicate with clarity. This is when
the grace of the sacrament takes over and one’s sins are absolved without one’s
actual confession having been made. But
we should not wait for that moment to come simply because it might not happen
the way we would prefer it to.
As a priest, I do ‘get it’ that so many people are very reticent
when it comes to bringing their transgressions to confession. The common excuse given is that God knows
what is in our hearts and the darkness that lurks there. I have no doubt that he knows. He is God, after all. We have to first of all understand that God’s
forgiveness stems from God’s love. Our
human forgiveness sometimes can be given outside of love, and that is where our
forgiveness falls short of it being a mirror of godliness. When we forgive reluctantly, and are clear
that this would be the very last time it is given, we forgive with a grudge and
not with love. God doesn’t. And this is one of the great reasons we need
to experience this in the sacrament of reconciliation.
There is really no place for pride in encountering God’s grace of
mercy in the Confession, and for that matter, there is no place for pride in
heaven as well. Just wanting the
forgiveness of God without the effort to name our shortcomings may be akin to
wanting a set of clean clothes to wear but refusing to take a good bath
first.
Last week, many of us in ministry was reeling in shock and made terribly vulnerable when confronted with the death of a dear friend, a brother in Christ. It was true that he had been ill for a while but he was on the eve of being discharged to the Rehab. Hospital and so his sudden demise from a heart attack was such a cruel and unexpected blow, both for his family as well as friends. To come to terms with this, to gain our equilibrium, we ask of God – the big Q -“Why?”
ReplyDeleteMy usual panacea for ‘heart-pain’ is to seek solace in words and as if in answer to this need I came upon Fr Rolheiser’s post on - A Happy Death. The line that caught my eye was - “We die a happy death when we die in honesty, irrespective of circumstance ..........” And that was what was so attractive about this friend. In both word and deed,(especially the latter) he had lived in honesty, sanctifying the ordinariness of his daily life by his genuine and patient bearing of all adversities for the love of others.(not canonizing him) - but goodness sometimes has a way of shimmering through, though he had a goofy sense of humour too.
It was as if to give further affirmation .........that two days later, your post touched on this point............ “ there is also the element of divine justice that awaits one who hasn’t died to oneself in raw honesty. I truly believe that a happy death has very much to do with dying with an honesty......”
On reflection, his death lends an urgency to our lives.... for in remembering our mortality, we become poignantly aware that we all have only a limited time in which to bring our lives to fulfilment.
God bless u, Fr.
tessa