Living fully in the present - it's not as simple as it seems

Spiritual practices and advocates of the discipline of meditation and contemplation share one main thing in common – they have as their aim to teach their disciples the great need to live fully in the present moment and also to show that most of life’s worries, pains and anxieties come from living either in the past or the future. 

We carry all sorts of baggage from our past, and joyful is the person who is able to, as the current song of the moment says, “Let it go”, especially to the particular stories of anger, hurt and resentment.  But there are so many who may be walking tall and straight in the physical realm, while deep inside them, they are limping and bent out of shape due to the heavy weight of a wounded past that for whatever reasons, is a great challenge to let go.  These walking-wounded may be in denial that they are carrying such burdens but deep inside each one of us, we know that there are things that we wish we could easily release so that we can really live liberated lives.  This is one of the sad things about those of us who constantly live in the past, even though those situations, which were the sources of our agony, may have happened several decades ago. 

Then there are those of us who find it so hard to find the present moment either fulfilling or giving us the kind of contentment that we think will satisfy us.  So we race ahead and plan for all sorts of contingencies, and while we are doing that, often miss the forest for the trees and forget to smell the roses.  Think of the father who is only too concerned with providing a great future of physical and material comfort for his family who works assiduously, perhaps even holding two jobs, and in the meantime, misses seeing and experiencing the joys of his family growing up around him.  I found myself in a similar challenge lately with my continued convalescence from the Stem Cell transplant that took place in July last year.  Some evidence of Graft-Versus-Host-Disease may have surfaced, and to put it in a nutshell, where I am at the present moment isn’t pretty.  At the dark moments of the day (usually at night), I find myself racing ahead to the day when my life gets back to some degree of normalcy, but at present, it seems to be such a long and dark tunnel toward any sign of full recovery.  When I catch myself with thoughts that concern too many ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’, the unhappiness that wells up inside of me comes only from one place – the unwillingness to live fully in the present moment. 

There’s just something that seems to be hardwired in our spiritual DNA to not be all that contented with the present.  It’s not altogether a bad thing.  Having positive thoughts about the future and having hope gives us a sense of purpose for our lives and sets our compass moving in the right general direction.  But when we are resentful and bitter about our present lot in life, and take this to the extreme, we can be the most painful people to work and live with because we refuse to be in touch with reality.  Even when things are going smoothly and life is beautiful, we can ruin the moment by hoping to either prolong or capture the moment for all its worth, something which we see Peter at Mount Tabor wanting to do when he asked if he should set up three tents for people who do not need tents.  It is indeed very sad when I see people in happy times and celebrations who cannot smile and be happy for the moment because they are not living in the present, but either the past or the future. 

This is why we need to practice contemplative prayer daily.  It reminds us to live (even though it may be difficult) as fully in the present as possible.  When things are going well, live in the present.  When things are dark and life is a struggle, live in the present.  Psychosomatic problems abound for people who have a hard time letting the past be things of the past.  It affects present relationships in so many ways.  Will we be able to be masters of living fully in the present?  Perhaps not in this our earthly lifetime.  That is why we are only practitioners of contemplation, and not masters of mindfulness.  I’ve been ‘practicing’ this for at least 18 years, for an hour each day, and still I find myself at times not living fully in the present.  The prayer of the present requires us to surrender our entire selves to God no matter what happens in our lives.  It takes faith and trust to do this, and it comes when a true and lasting relationship is built between the soul and God.

Something which renowned writer Nikos Kazantsakis wrote about the three kinds of prayers three souls pray bodes well with today’s reflection:

a)   I am a bow in your hands Lord, draw me, lest I rot.

b)   Do not overdraw me, Lord, lest I break.

c)   Overdraw me, Lord, who cares if I break.

I believe that we are at one of these stages at any one point in our lives, but blessed is the one who arrives daringly at the last stage.  He is indeed graced.