When the news the doctor brings is more than just good

When my journey into the world of cancer began sometime at December last year, I, like any other cancer patient, had no idea what this ‘adventure’ would entail.  Inevitably, it would include a suffering and what many would call a cancer-pain.  That never really caused me much worry as I knew that as a disciple of Christ, that pain and that suffering had a hidden purpose that goes beyond what is on the surface.  Carried well and with love, it can even save souls.  To be sure, there was actually very little actual pain in the first seven months of my diagnosis, and for this, I am grateful.  I haven’t really asked around, but in my own experience, perhaps for Leukemia patients, the pain is of a different kind. 

But it was only lately that the pain and suffering began to take on a new dimension.  That encounter with idiopathic pneumonia had totally weakened my entire body and my breathing for the past two months has been very labored and strained as I begin to re-train my lungs to work in their normal way.  The only way I can do this is to just to my breathing exercises each day, and this itself is such an energy sapping exercise. 

In the midst of all this that happens in the confines of my home, my doctor asked that I undergo a Bone Marrow Aspiration.  This invasive procedure was the very one that I had to undergo in February this year, where my bone marrow was cored and the sample was sent to the labs, the results showing that there were a lot of blast cells, showing the presence of a blood cancer in me.  That was when I became a cancer patient.

It had been more than 100 days since July 25, the Feast Day of St James, that I received so gratefully the stem-cells from my mystery perfect-match donor from America.  This gave the doctor reason to order the Bone Marrow Aspiration for the third time this year.  Last Wednesday, I went for the procedure and left the results to the Lord with great trust.  The very next day, the initial report came back and the kind doctor informed me that there are no longer any cancer cells in me, and I am henceforth cancer-free.

Cancer-free!  I now know the experience of truly being vindicated.  God has heard the prayer of his servant and has given him new life!  I have been truly transformed and offered life anew by my God.  No one is able to truly understand how liberating this experience is.  My faith handles this piece of news in ways that must be different from people who merely wanted to hear good news.  My experience of this causes me to truly enter into the mystery of new life, transformed life, and yes, even the resurrected life.  There is no gratitude strong enough, and thanksgiving is endless.  Easter has come early for me!

In my continuing convalescence at home, the suffering and pain still continues.  I still surprise myself at just how weakened my entire body is.  I wanted to 'celebrate' this piece of news by attempting a recipe at a simple dessert that entailed an entire packet of crushed Digestive Biscuits for its base.  I could only manage four pieces and found myself panting and unable to continue.  4 measly biscuits.  But I laughed silently to myself that if this is rock bottom, I am still in a good place.  I am still tired all the day long, just breathing.  But I know this will end and I will be slowly getting back my strength, even if it takes a whole year.  Being cancer-free gives me the confidence that I just have to discipline myself, take my time and respond to God’s daily prompting of how I can be used by him in the confines of my home to glorify his name and be useful to the Church through the silent walls of my home.

There are a plethora of places in the Psalms where the just man continues to stay faithful to the Lord somehow suffers in justice, while the sinful man seems to enjoy life, but all the while, the central message is to not give in, not give up and continue to be faithful to the Lord.  It may appear that the Lord is doing nothing, but that is only from our point of view, which is of course, a very very limited one.  My experience has been something very close to this, and Scripture has become something that is so alive for me.  The doctor's good news has become God's news.

I still offer daily Masses for the many who are still suffering in so many ways.  My prayer is often that those who are suffering never despair, never give up on loving their fellow man and woman in their pain and suffering, and most of all, that they never give up hope in life, especially if they are baptized Catholics whose greatest gift is that they have been given the Life of Christ at their baptism. 

Today’s blog is really for all of you who have been journeying with me for such a long time.  You and your prayers have become a great part of my transformation, and I am ever so grateful.  

I have a humble request from you my blog readers.  When I first broke the news to all of you in my February post that I had cancer, you literally poured out your hearts in writing very loving and heartfelt blog responses to that news, and I had a massive 81 comments, telling me that you were all going to be behind me in prayer.  This prayer has borne fruit, and one concrete way to give thanks to God in our Catholic Tradition is to write a letter of thanksgiving.  It's a common feature in Novenas to show everyone just how grateful we are for God's grace to be manifest in our lives and it is a witness to God's presence and power.  Can I request that you do this in this blog as your form of thanksgiving together with me?  And as you do this, may your heart and your lives be ever blessed, and may you continue to be effective witnesses to the glory, and the power of God.  God love you.