There is no surprise that the
dilemma that many people struggle with is a healthy sense of self-love and
self-esteem. To many
psychologists, it seems that having an adequate sense of either of these is magical
key to most of life’s successes.
From Henry David Thoreau to Carl Jung, from Benjamin Franklin to Lao
Tzu, many have exhorted the need to establish a good self-image or
self-confidence in order to achieve some sort of greatness or self-stability in
life. No doubt, there is some
truth to this, as we have seen so many broken people who have caused brokenness
in the lives of so many other people, and in the world around them, often because
of a lack of self-love and self-esteem.
In order to counter this, many
parents and educational institutions have made it a point to go to the other
extreme, and I take some risks in generalizing here. This is prevalent especially in Western countries, where it
is not uncommon to see parents who are extremely quick to encourage, support,
and mutter words of praise to their children with the hope that they will grow
up with a positive (and hopefully healthy) sense of self, and to know that they
are good people. Thus it would be
fairly easy to see parents who are mindfully slow in disciplining their charges
when they have done something wrong, because of the fear that harsh words or
disciplinary actions meted out on their children will turn them into
self-loathing or worse, parent-hating children.
Over the past few weeks, here in
America, High Schools, Colleges and Universities have been holding their
graduation ceremonies. These
“Commencement” ceremonies, as they are called, mark a starting point in the
lives of those who receive their diplomas and degrees, and it is typical at
these ceremonies that someone of renown delivers a speech to mark the
occasion. Two weeks ago, one rather
interesting speech which was delivered by an English teacher of Wellesley High
School in Massachusetts, became viral after the media took notice of it. What made it unusual and attention
worthy was its message. In most
commencement speeches, the graduates are often lauded and praised for having
done well in school, and it is often seen as a proverbial pat on the back. But this English teacher did just the
opposite. He told the graduates
that they are not that special.
His statistics supported his point. Every year, in America alone, there are 37,000 Valedictorians,
one from each High School. So,
being given the title of Valedictorian is not really a big deal. The were many other valid points in Mr McCullough’s
speech that were enlightening, like how our planet is not the centre of its
galaxy, and that the galaxy we belong to is not at the centre of the universe,
and how astrophysicists assure us that the universe has no centre, so no one
can be it. If only we keep
reminding ourselves this at every moment of our lives.
Mr McCullough’s speech had one
main point, put in various ways.
The problem with society, he says, is that we tend to think that we are
so special, and this is not one sole person’s fault. Parents and educators been molly-coddling their charges, and
as a result, when they enter the workforce, the reality check that the
graduates get is often shocking because often, no one in the workforce will
give them the proverbial ‘leg-up’ in life.
We don’t really need an educator
to tell us that too much pampering in life actually handicaps us for the rest
of our lives. Sometimes, parents
and educators do their charges a great disservice when the only thing that they
tell them is that they are good, and that they are ‘awesome’ or worse, become
offended when the school or their teachers discipline them for bad behaviour or
work attitude.
The Church in her liturgy steers
clear from this kind of molly-coddling mentality. We do not start by saying that we have gathered together as
special, unblemished and sinless people on Sunday. It is not a ‘feel-good’ time when we pray the
Confiteor. What that part of the
Mass is doing to all of us, and helping us to do for ourselves, is to admit and
recognize that not one of us gathered in that assembly – not a single person,
is not in need of God’s mercy and forgiveness. In current-day parlance, it is just the opposite of the “I’m
good and you’re good” mentality.
It’s rather “I’m a sinner and you’re a sinner”, so that is our common-ground
before we start glorifying God.
Later on in the Mass, just before we receive Holy Communion, we make a
unified declaration how as a body that we are “not worthy to receive you
(Jesus) under our roof”. Yet another
honest statement that makes some feel uncomfortable. Some priests have even shared with me how some parishioners
do not like to say that statement out loud because it’s just ‘not nice’. Nice? Since when is Liturgy about nice?
But this doesn’t mean that as Church,
we do not view each person as special and unique. We do. Jesus
came to show us just how special and unique and cherished and abundantly loved
each one of us is. His death and
resurrection is this very fact, writ large. But what we as Church do, albeit never in a perfect way, is
strike a balance between the two apparently opposite poles. One pole being the fact that we are
broken sinners needing mercy and redemption, and the other, that we are so
deeply and specially loved. It is
when we forsake one for the other that we get into all sorts of troubles with
our approach to God and the Church.
So are we great? No. Not on our own merit.
But it is when we are fully aware of this, do we realise that we are, in
fact, very great. Because God is
great first.
'The church in her liturgy steers clear from the worldly kind of molly-coddling mentality,'hence our churches are packed on sundays for direction in our day to day living.Thank you Fr Luke.
ReplyDeleteDear Fr. Luke,
ReplyDeleteThis molly-coddling attitude - it's not just happening in the Western world. By and large we are raising a bunch of wimpy, self-absorbed youth simply because many parents lack the backbone to admonish their children when the situation calls for it. In this "Oprah-fied" culture we've created our children are the biggest losers. No wonder many of them are falling away from the church (especially after their confirmation). They're busy "being all they can be" out there in the big, wide world.
In the face of God can anyone, even the greatest saint, consider himself great? Or even simply good, for that matter?
We're told that we were created from dust ("..and unto dust you shall return" Gen 3:19) and in some ways we are worse than dust; for dust cannot sin. And yet we are loved so tenderly (in spite of your wretchedness) by a God who is Love itself. There lies the paradox.
So are we great? No, not by any stretch of the imagination. But we were created for greatness -which ultimately is, to see God face to face in Heaven.
God Bless !
When we were in Sixth Form doing our History project on the great leaders of our time, our group zoomed in on Mahatma Gandhi, for Asian leaders of his stature were rare, then as it still is today. I remember how we admired him for what he had done but what I found surprising and more profound was this pearl of wisdom, “ ....As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world................as being able to remake ourselves.”
ReplyDeleteThe truth of this dawned on me today when we celebrated the Solemnity feast of St Peter & Paul – two great Saints of the Church. I had thought their feast days were put together because they were bosom friends, but as I got to know my Bible better, I found that these two personalities were never more further apart - for one was a fisherman and the other a well-educated Pharisee. In fact, they were so different in temperament that it was inevitable that they even had their differences aired openly, as recorded in the Book of Acts. What struck me was that they were truly human, with human faults and weaknesses.
However, what also impressed me was that they were able to ‘’remake’’ themselves because they responded with great zeal and faith to the call of Jesus. When Jesus asked them, “ But who do you say that I am ?’’ ( Mt 16:13-19) Peter’s reply was immediate and from his heart and this faith and love for his Master was put to the test when he paid for it with his life in Rome. The same could also be said of Paul whose response to the call of Christ - to mission- ultimately also ended in his dying for Jesus. It was their steadfast love for Jesus which drew them above their human failings and differences so that they could work together for the common good of the early church. This allowed Divine grace to work on them – re-modelling or re-making them into Great apostles of Christ.
So, yes, I agree with your concluding line, ‘’ So are we great? No. Not on our own merit. But it is when we are fully aware of this, do we realise that we are, in fact, very great. Because God is great first.’’
God bless you, Fr.
tessa