When something anticipated for materialises - my long-awaited for surgery takes place on Tuesday.

 In our lives, there will come a time when something we have long waited for happens.  For something exciting like a vacation to a faraway place, the waiting can be something comparable to anguish.  But there are other things that aren’t comparable to a vacation, and their arrival in our lives can be likened to a relief and even to our saying “finally” to ourselves.     Those of you who have been following the past few blog posts would know that I have been waiting anxiously for the cranioplasty for my skull to take place, and for various reasons, the date for the surgery had been postponed several times.  Part of the reason had been the materialising of the COVID illness, both in Singapore and in our neighbouring countries.  But the waiting is finally coming to a close as the date for the surgery has been confirmed for 4 January 2022, which is next week.  

Some of you are wondering how this makes me feel.  I am very relieved that it’s finally happening after all the waiting.  Yes, it is a serious surgery, but I am not nervous about it at all.  I have full confidence in the skills and talents of my surgeons, and on Tuesday, I will be checking into the hospital with great relief.  I have had surgery before, and coming out of the anaesthesia isn’t always the same.  I do pray for a smooth operation, and I know that many of my parishioners and friends have been praying for me all this while.  I am so grateful for their care and concern, and I am hoping that their prayers for me will continue on Tuesday when the surgeons start their work on my skull.  

The result of the cranioplasty will see an improvement of the look of my head, and I am hoping that the side effects of the surgery will not see me suffering from headaches and similar pains.  But if they do come, I shall take it as part of the whole surgical procedure.  

I have been doing some reading up on a procedure like cranioplasty, and I have learnt that after undergoing such a procedure, a patient would often require to stay in the hospital for between five to seven days. I have arranged for Holy Communion to be brought to me by some caring friends and parishioners during the hospital stay.  I have also learnt that fatigue is a common side effect, but this should subside within the first few weeks.  The common risks associated with a cranioplasty include infection, blood clot formation, seizures and even a stroke.  I do pray that my experienced surgeons will lessen the chance of my developing complications after undergoing the cranioplasty.

I am rather unsure about how I will physically recover after the surgery though.  I know that the path ahead can be rather touch and go, but I also do know that when I have a positive attitude of confidence and determination, the recovery will not be that much of a challenge.  I know for a fact that my parishioners are waiting to see me back in the active role of being their priest in Church, and I am hoping that I will be able to be back in action by the time January comes to a close.  

If you have spent time reading this blog entry has been active in praying for my recovery from the accident, I want to say a big thank you for your charity, kindness and love.  I would like to ask humbly for you to continue praying for my recovery post surgery and look forward to seeing you when my parish life returns.  This waiting process has been formative for me, and it has also helped me spiritually.  

Till I am able to function as a priest in the parish, I bid you God’s love and blessings.  

The date for the cranioplasty is finally given by the surgeons

It will happen slightly more than a month from the time of this blog post.

Waiting for something to happen to you in life can be a real drag.  I know because I have been waiting for the surgical date for my cranioplasty to be done.  It was moved twice, most likely because of the COVID situation that our island has been experiencing.  The surgeons were not allowing visitors to any hospitalised patients in their wards.  And so the waiting game evolved.  We were waiting for the visitor rules at hospitals to be eased at least a little, to allow just our family members to come to visit us as we recuperate from the surgery to our bodies.  But that date seemed to keep moving further and further away.  However, some things are worth waiting for, even though the waiting time can be agonising.

My surgeon contacted us to inform us that there is a new date for the surgery to my cranium, and it will happen on Thursday 4 January 2022.  They initially suggested 21 December, but that would mean that I would have to spend Christmas in the confines of a hospital, which isn’t something I would want for anybody.  It was when we asked for a shift of the date to sometime in January that they came back with the suggestion of 4 January.  All things considered, we thought it was a good move, though it doesn’t quite sound like a happy new year.  I’ve never received brain plates as a gift for the New Year, so this will be a first one.

What is a cranioplasty?  It is a surgical repair of a bone defect in the skull resulting from a previous operation or injury.  This injury happened in May this year, and the surgeons decided to remove part of my skull to prevent excessive bleeding in the brain.  In the cranioplasty, they will lift the scalp and restore the contour of the skull with a custom contoured graft made from a solid biomaterial that is manufactured in Switzerland.  I’d know what a Swiss-watch feels like when this is over.  

Apparently, three of the uppermost layers of the scalp will be pulled back, and the implant will be inserted in between the bottom layers of the scalp protecting the brain.  

Of course, I will be given a general anaesthetic prior to the surgery, and once I am asleep, the area of the incision is then shaved and prepared with antiseptic, and I will be protected by drapes, leaving only the surgical area exposed.  During the surgery, the cranial bones will be secured with screws, plates or both.

When the bone is in place, and when bleeding is controlled, the team moves the scalp back to its original position and closes the incision with nylon suture.  There may be a small suction drain left in place to help remove any excess fluid.  This drain will be removed in a few days, hence the scheduled stay in hospital being about 5-6 days post surgery.

Most cranioplasty patients spend two to three days in the hospital after surgery.  But the care team will determine that I can get around, shower and dress myself.  I will also most likely get a repeat CT scan of my head.  And if the surgical site looks okay, I will be released and can go home for prolonged rest.  

Post surgery, it will take some time before I fee completely normal.  I will be tired, and rest will be required in the afternoons.  I need to be ready for intermittent headaches, and will schedule appointments for one week and three to four weeks post surgery to have my sutures removed.  I will also need to be prepared for any rehabilitation at the time post surgery.  One of the things I have been prepared for is the need to retch while I am resting, and if I do get into a comatose state, those looking after me may need to call for an ambulance from the hospital so that I can be taken to see the doctor in that state.

I know that what I have written seems to be rather detailed, but the time given to me (which was prolonged) has given me time to do the necessary research to prepare myself for what is to come.  I don’t think I will be more detailed in my blog post, but I do know that there have been masses of people who have prayed for me as I was waiting for the confirmed date for the surgery.  May I ask that your prayers continue until the surgery time comes?  The surgeons will be needing the grace of God’s help in their work on my skull.  Thank you for your kindness and generosity, and I will be offering prayers for all of you who are praying for me.

How the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola helped me

             A reflection on something that I participated in before my priestly ordination.

As an important part of the process of spiritual formation in the seminary, our priestly training included a mandatory retreat of the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola.  This silent retreat took place in a House of Spiritual Direction and for those in my year, we had the taste of this spiritual nourishment in an area called the Seven Fountains, which is a place in Chian Mai, Thailand, where many go for retreats, conferences, days of prayer and spiritual direction so that they can find growth in their faith, prayer and in the ability to respond to God in their daily life.  

The Spiritual Exercises came out of the personal experiences of Ignatius of Loyola when he was keen to grow in union with God and when he was learning to discern God’s will.  He kept a spiritual journal to track the spiritual insights he obtained, through which he deepened his spiritual experiences.  He made extensive notes which later became the actual Exercises itself.  

What are the Spiritual Exercises?

It is often said that the Exercises is a series of well-rounded overrate of personal prayer, understanding the spiritual journey, as well as the ministry of companioning others on their spiritual journey.  I am grateful that my companions during the time at this retreat were my very own classmates who are now very active and dynamic priests.  

The Text of the Spiritual Exercises.

The exercises are meant to be led by a retreat director.  Each day’s meet up with the Spiritual Director leads to a colloquy which is an intimate conversation between the exercitant and God the Father, or a conversation between us and Jesus, or between us and Mary or one of the saints.  An important dimension of the exercise is that not all are called to material poverty, but are called to “poverty of spirit”, or spiritual poverty.

The different contemplations of the exercises.

The contemplation on the Incarnation begins with imagining the Trinity looking down from heaven and responding with the Incarnation.  The next or second week sees the exercitant contemplating part two of the Incarnation, which is Mary’s human response.  Tjos explores both the Annunication and Mary’s response.  The third week sees us contemplating the Language of the Cross.  It explores the idea that Jesus’ passion brings us to embrace the world as it really is.  In the fourth and final week of the retreat, we contemplate on how the resurrection brings joy.  The three significant truths rooted in the Resurrection (faith, hope and love) open a window to the grace and virtues of the fourth Week.  What is highlighted are the reasons for our joy when contemplating the Resurrection.

I am not surprised if anyone reading this blog is at this point asking me why I am reflecting on such a spiritual exercise which I took part in before I was ordained a priest.  It is a legitimate question when one takes into consideration that for almost a month now, I have been waiting and feeling anxious about the surgery that my skull needs since the unfortunate accident at the end of May.  

No, I am not returning to the time of the Spiritual Exercises, but I have thumbed through some texts that feature the Exercise itself.  It sent me a great reminder of what I went through back then, and to jettison all that just to anxious about waiting for something to happen does seem like a waste of precious energy and time.

One of the most important things that we came out of the retreat appreciating were the first two degrees of humility according to Ignatian spirituality.  One of the very important things we picked up was the actual contemplation on the Love of God.  This is not a subject that we were taught upfront in the seminary, but because we had the experiences of the different weeks, it helped us to see the fruit that came from the contemplation on the Love of God.  

Do I suggest that anyone who considers himself or herself a keen disciple of Jesus should go for this prayer experience?  I’m not sure I would do that outrightly.  It really depends on whether your Spiritual Director whom you see regularly recommends this for your spiritual advancement.  There are times of contemplation that can be challenging like getting up in the middle of the night to go to the Adoration Room.  These are good, but to a lay person, it can be daunting, especially in a remote place like Chiang Mai.  

The gold that I have gained from the experience has set me in a good place to handle the present stress of waiting and anticipating the surgery that my skull requires.  I’ve come to realise that there is a lot of feeling of displeasure in feeling anxious about waiting, and my mind can utilise the time better in contemplation of things that would benefit my soul and spiritual life.  

It is well known that the human heart is the concern of the Spiritual Exercises.  It nurtures the Spirituality of the Heart of each exercitant.  Perhaps my heart has been stiffened by what I have gone through in life, and this time of being away from all the “action” is where my spiritual training for my heart becomes activated.  

I thank you, dear reader, for reading my reflection this week.  If you think this exercise is for you, perhaps it is something you can bring up to discuss with your Spiritual Director soon.  My prayer goes with you as you may plan to deepen your spiritual life.

When simply waiting is not a futile act in life

A personal reflection on life

Ever since I had the first surgery to my skull due to the unfortunate accident on 24 May this year, I have been in a stance of waiting for the needed second surgery to replace the two parts of my skull that were removed by the surgeons as they believed that the injury would cause terrible things to happen to my head.  Then came the news that the surgeons were waiting for the system to allow at least a few family visitors to their inpatients in the hospital before they scheduled the surgery.  That was sometime in the beginning of October when everything was put on hold for the system to change, and all this while on my side, it was a prolonged period of waiting.  And this waiting was something that was incessant.

I found myself embittered with all this waiting, like as if one was waiting for something to change in life.  I tried so many ways to make myself productive with the waiting, but my daily contemplation and prayer came down to offering my time of waiting for the benefit of souls in need of help.  One of the greatest ways I believed this could be done was to pray for the souls who make up the Church Suffering in Purgatory, where they are being purified from their sinful ways before God grants them the eternal joy of heaven in the Church Triumphant, a place which consists of those who have the beatific vision and are in Heaven.  We make use of the time we have in the Church Militant well when we use our time and resources to pray for those who have left this world’s existence and are still awaiting their purification before their beatific vision granted them by God.

One may think that simple “waiting” in life is a waste of time.  Unless God deems it necessary to grant us a gift of revelation that our departed brothers and sisters have attained their beatific vision, the best we can do in this life is to do the “waiting” with good and charitable acts.  As very few of us human beings do receive such a great gift of revelation by God about the souls who have died before us, we will mainly live with this holy anticipation in our hearts.

I have come to appreciate that this waiting is a great gift from God.  It is not to waste time doing nothing, but it reminds us to use the waiting time productively for the benefit of souls and others.  I do not have anything to support that I have done productive things in my life while waiting for the surgery to happen.  But that report is something that God alone knows, as he reads into my heart.  I may not have any confirmation from God that my prayers and charitable acts have brought great benefits to others, but I do know that inside my heart there is peace.  

The Church exists in three states - the Church Militant, the Church Triumphant and the Church Suffering.  When we are alive in this world, we make up part of the Church Militant where we are fighting against the wiles of the evil one and his ways of tempting us in life, and while we fight his ways, we are being Militant against the ways of the devil.  Then there is the Church Triumphant which is made up of souls in their glorified state of heaven.  And as I mentioned earlier, the Church Suffering is made up of souls that are being purified in Purgatory.  In all three states there exists the communion of saints, where between each aspect of life we are separated by the barrier of death, and we remain united to each other in one Church, and support each other in prayer.

The Catholic Church celebrates the Church Triumphant and the Church Suffering or Penitent on two days - All Saints’ Day on November 1 and All Souls’ Day on November 2.   In Lumen Gentium, we are taught that:

The three states of the Church. “When the Lord comes in glory, and all his angels with him, death will be no more and all things will be subject to him.  But at the present time some of his disciples are pilgrims on earth.  Others have died and are being purified, while still others are in glory, contemplating ‘in full light, God himself triune and one, exactly as he is’.”

With such strong teachings of the three states of the Church, any time that we have in this life is never to be thought of as a “waste” of time.  It is a resource to be richly used for the benefit of others who have gone before us.  

Maybe there are some of you who are reading this blog reflection who are also finding it tough to utilise your time well in such ways that others can stand to benefit from your generosity.  May this reflection give you good cause to offer your time so that others can be richly blessed.  

May God continue to bless and surround you with his peace and love.