tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7853204965986587589.post3290388193039616128..comments2024-03-17T22:48:00.427+08:00Comments on Reflections and Ruminations: Why forgiveness is so challenging for many.Fr Luke Fonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03079016104331055895noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7853204965986587589.post-22134581955222969792018-06-13T23:38:40.597+08:002018-06-13T23:38:40.597+08:00Thank you fr for responding. I think you also misu...Thank you fr for responding. I think you also misunderstood me. :)<br /><br />"Nowhere in the teachings of Christ nor in the Scriptures do we see that forgetting is part of forgiveness. It is something that has been toxically taught by society at large that we should forgive AND forget."<br /><br />This tells me that we shouldn't forget the incident despite having forgiven the person.<br /><br />Forgiving someone but not forgetting the incident is like burying the hatchet with the handle still sticking out.<br /><br />I understand fr. about what you said regarding requiring an effort and a striving. It is part of being a Christian. And I also don't mean about being masochistic as you mentioned. <br /><br />What i mean is, if you have forgiven the person, then you should also strive to forget the incident. It is in the past. learn from it if you can - or should - but move on. Same as loving the sinner but hating the sin.<br /><br />It is not part of the Church teaching to forgive AND forget. But it is part of being Christ-like to love as Christ loves us, which is with all of our being.<br /><br />God bless and Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7853204965986587589.post-30173900553568362002018-06-07T23:00:42.200+08:002018-06-07T23:00:42.200+08:00Hi Father Luke,
I wish someone had guided with si...Hi Father Luke,<br /><br />I wish someone had guided with similar wisdom much earlier. I learnt (through a very very long winded process with lots of struggling) that feelings are really unreliable when trying to forgive someone. I discovered forgiveness, like love is something you choose to do regardless of how you're still angry, still hurt, still disappointed.... with His help, we can take that step. The remembering will always be there but all the feelings that came along with it will eventually subside and then it get easier and easier to let them go. <br />Not forgiving only eats at us, the people who have hurt or wronged us usually go on merrily along whether they are forgiven or not.<br />Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.<br />- MichelleMichellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05311591226482278491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7853204965986587589.post-4813083583659966912018-05-31T05:30:14.811+08:002018-05-31T05:30:14.811+08:00Perhaps you have misunderstood what I meant when I...Perhaps you have misunderstood what I meant when I said that we should not wait till we forget before we forgive. The common gripe that many have about forgiveness is that they predicate forgiveness on the ability to forget. This is not same as waiting till we forget before we forgive, which is what I think you are saying. Our activation of our wills to forgive others when the memory of the incident and the accompanying pain and anguish fills our hearts is an act of love that requires both effort and a striving. It doesn't mean that we need to actively make the past present again in order to forgive. That's just being masochistic and hardly has any virtue. Fr Luke Fonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03079016104331055895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7853204965986587589.post-25793481062846011202018-05-29T19:18:37.127+08:002018-05-29T19:18:37.127+08:00“Rather, it is when we can remember but that we ch...“Rather, it is when we can remember but that we choose to forgive each time we activate our forgiveness that we become virtuous and godly.”<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Before I knew Christ, I was sold on the righteousness of “an eye for an eye...” till I came upon (Gandhi’s...?) non-retaliatory philosophy - “will make the whole world blind”. And I also held to the belief that “to err is human, to forgive is divine” - because it’s in man’s nature to make mistakes, since one can’t even know what’s round the bend but it has to be the Divine/God’s job to forgive because our nature is not magnanimous enough for the task. How mistaken I was!<br /><br /><br />To know Christ is to love him; and to love him is to want to be like him; for we were told in Genesis 1:26 that we are made in God’s image and likeness, and again, in Rom 8:29.........if we love him we desire to be conformed to the image of Christ, who is Love. Then to quote you, “Christian scripture is redolent with verses that tell us to love our enemies...” - which means that forgiveness is a ‘non-negotiable’ when one is a Christian.<br /><br /><br /><br />Reflecting on your statement above that we have “to activate our forgiveness” and in so doing -“we become virtuous and godly” - I like this very much because it is so true when I look at Peter and Judas. Forgiveness was experienced by Peter when Jesus never once by word or look - blamed him for the betrayal - but actually gathered him and all the apostles together serving them a meal to show his tender love for them after His Resurrection. The beauty of what forgiveness has done for Peter. ........was that he became a transformed or “resurrected” man, no longer a cowering coward. I feel that he was able to do so because knowing the Lord has forgiven him, he was able to forgive himself, to accept his “un-godly” or weak self and resolved to forge ahead to give of himself totally to the Lord. <br /><br /><br /><br />On the other hand the account of Judas showed that he was appalled by his betrayal and sickened by his act he tried to make amends or cleanse himself by throwing back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests. However, his heart remained closed to God’s grace of forgiveness and so he remained lost. In this way, I feel that to be able to really forgive we need God’s grace, but the desire and initial step has to be taken by us, especially to activate again and again (like you said) , each time the heart pains at the memory of the betrayal or the wrong done.<br /><br /><br />Reading and reflecting this has been an interesting adventure- thank you Fr.<br /><br />God bless you.<br /><br />Tessa<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Tessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04211998984286520369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7853204965986587589.post-26903714757252496012018-05-29T00:15:47.913+08:002018-05-29T00:15:47.913+08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7853204965986587589.post-86713798373766621512018-05-28T21:36:39.612+08:002018-05-28T21:36:39.612+08:00Dear Fr Luke,
I like how you described that forgiv...Dear Fr Luke,<br />I like how you described that forgiveness is a much needed balm or healing salve that we could apply to our hurts. The deeper the wound inflicted (normally the closer the person is to us) the longer it takes to heal. As human, we tend to replay the incidents over and over again in our heads, which needs a conscious effort to keep reapplying forgiveness each time.<br /><br />Indeed, it’s only by choosing to love unconditionally with the love of Christ, that we could completely forgive those who have wronged us. And only through the grace of God at work in us that makes it possible.<br /><br />May we all open our hearts fully to receive this grace. Thank you and God bless you Fr.Tricia Tanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17302992284391983023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7853204965986587589.post-38617760565023654322018-05-28T08:41:20.989+08:002018-05-28T08:41:20.989+08:00Thank you, Fr. Luke, for your many teachings on th...Thank you, Fr. Luke, for your many teachings on this blog.<br />This posting is very relevant to me as I had/have been hurt by some of my siblings many times.<br />I may not be a charitable person but I believe that by following your blogs, I am slowly but surely changing my mindset and character. <br />Thank you once again & God bless you, Father!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7853204965986587589.post-86803616449466333212018-05-28T08:06:41.133+08:002018-05-28T08:06:41.133+08:00I understand forgiving fr. But why prolong the ago...I understand forgiving fr. But why prolong the agony of not trying to forget the incident? I understand that this is part of "loving" the other despite what the other has done. Still, do we wait till we are numb to the pain done? If the affront is small, it can be just easily disregarded. Why carry the unnecessary burden as we go through life? Wouldn't we be more loving to the person and to others if we have less baggage? Thank you and God bless Fr.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com