Monday, December 5, 2011

Celebrating well requires great discipline

The Christmas lights are up in the malls (much more so in Singapore than here in the USA, I am sure), the carols are incessantly being played through the Public Address system, the radio stations are churning out familiar Christmas tunes, the Salvation Army personnel stationed at the entrances of shopping malls are already ringing that little bell asking for your Christmas contribution into that tin, and the streets are decked out in the familiar red and green. It doesn’t take much to detect that Christmas is ‘in the air’.

But are we really in the Christmas season? One of my annual lamentations at this time of the year is how we fail miserably at being a people who really know how to celebrate something meaningfully and deeply. By the time 25th of December comes round, most of us would already have been to quite a few Christmas parties, eaten our fill of Christmas festive foods, politely turned down offers of Christmas Fruitcake for the umpteenth time, sung many Christmas carols, and perhaps even opened up our Christmas presents, so much so that when Christmas really comes, we tell ourselves we have indeed overeaten, and need to fast in order to lose some of those dreaded added kilos or pounds. The irony that most of us do not see is that we have actually feasted when we should have fasted, causing us to fast when we should in actual fact be feasting.

The problem that I see perhaps stems from the fact that we have developed a very poor sense of healthy anticipation and adequate spiritual preparation. We may call ourselves disciples, but there seems to be very little ‘disciplining’ in our lives. And this is not just for Christmas, but for so many other things or events in life. We have this tendency to short-circuit the waiting, training, anticipating and ‘mystery’ period of life, and because of this, often we end up being the cause of our own undoing when we find ourselves underwhelmed at the moments that we should be overwhelmed, blasé when we should be in awe, and struck dumb when we should be dumbstruck. The Book of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 gives us a scriptural framework from which we should order our lives. Those of us who remember songs from the 60s should be able to recall the song Turn! Turn! Turn! by the group The Byrds. They based their song on these verses from Scripture, which remind us that there is a season for everything in life. A time for giving birth, a time for dying, for tears, for laughter, etc. When we respect the time that we have for the proper things in life, we will know how to live well. But it is when we have dispensed all too happily (and too hastily) with any form of proper and adequate preparation, we are the ones who end up suffering and wondering why we are out of sorts at certain junctures of our lives.

One thing comes to mind immediately is how couples very often are too eager to live as if they are already married when they are in fact still single and not Mr and Mrs. Play or make-believe consummation has much more far-reaching negative effects than meets the eye. I sometimes refer to this as the act of opening of Christmas presents in June. When couples make no effort at all in refraining from physical intimacy during their courtship days, it cheapens the delight and surprise and specialness that they should be celebrating when consummation should actually be taking place (after the wedding). When Christmas presents are opened in June, and in July, August, and September, right up till Christmas, what happens on Christmas day is at best, going to be a sham or mock celebration, a put-on specialness, and feigned delight, cheapening not only the other and the self, but much more than that, making a mockery of the delight that God wants the union of man and woman to be.

When so many things are done in anticipation and brought to fulfillment in advance, our progeny will only pick up and learn from example. One erudite spiritual writer once said “presence depends on absence, intimacy upon solitude, play upon work”. There is a certain pentameter or rhythmic pattern that once broken and disrespected, causes a jarring not just to our ears, but to the minds of our spirits and indeed, our whole lives as well.

Training in this ability to wait comes from our earliest days. Parents need to impart the importance of learning how to wait well, to fast adequately, to dare to enter into uncomfortable silence and to dare to teach our children delayed gratification by example. Only when this is imbibed well can we truly celebrate well when it comes for time to respond with a joy that wells up from within.

So, perhaps for the coming two weeks before Christmas should actually be celebrated, fight the temptation – have that Christmas party during Christmastide instead, open the presents only after 25th December, and keep doing that right up till we observe the Solemnity of the Baptism of the Lord next year, when Christmastide really should end. And show the world that we really know how to celebrate Christmas, simply because we have also learnt to prepare well.

We have to learn how not to empty the well before its time. Because if that well is being emptied, drunk from and delighted in way ahead of time, we will be hard pressed to present anything to the Lord for him to change so that it can be the best tasting wine.

9 comments:

  1. One thing comes to mind immediately is how couples very often are too eager to live as if they are already married when they are in fact still single and not Mr and Mrs. Play or make-believe consummation has much more far-reaching negative effects than meets the eye. I sometimes refer to this as the act of opening of Christmas presents in June. When couples make no effort at all in refraining from physical intimacy during their courtship days, it cheapens the delight and surprise and specialness that they should be celebrating when consummation should actually be taking place (after the wedding).

    Hi Fr Luke.. u hit the nail on the spot!! What you said is exactly what i'm thinking.. possible reasons.. "we all adults... so don't be naive to think that sex is so scared or reserved for wedding nite only" another one is peer pressure.. Sometimes friends ask "have you done already?" Fearing embarrassment, the couples succumbed to it.. Throw away church teachings.. morals and what have you.. ..

    Christ said if one is ashamed of What Christ teaches or preaches.. He or she should be ashamed of his faith and God and the reluctant to defend it. Having said that.. not many nowadays seem to be ashamed. In fact some seem to b surprised or enjoy it.

    Cheers

    G

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  2. Before the feast comes the fast.

    The anticipation of Christmas has been somewhat diluted, I reckon. I guess it has something to do with the "instant" culture we have to come to accept as the norm: but just as a concerted effort goes into preparing for a great feast, shouldn't Advent be a time for patient waiting? Maybe a little self-denial?

    Please forgive me for feeling this way but one thing that has always bothered me is when a parish (children's) Christmas party is held about a week before Christmas day. I've always felt that this sends the wrong message to our children. I know it's done for logistical reasons, but still...

    Thank you for your blog, Fr. Luke. You are always in my prayers.

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  3. Hi Fr Luke,

    Your blog is sometimes truly a place of solace/retreat.

    Just recently I've had someone tell me I'm misguided in my sexuality because I refuse to have sex before marriage. They throw sentences at me to the tune of frigid. It doesn't hurt but it is frustrating, to the point that sometimes I begin to think it is my problem and not theirs. If only there was like an authority that could counsel on such things.... like my dad maybe :)

    ARGHHHHHH. Frustrations.

    Hope you doing well. Thanks for blogging.

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  4. Today we celebrate the feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin, and as I reflected at the Hour of Grace just now, I find that among the various titles we give to Our Blessed Mother what I like most is that of “ the perfect disciple’’ – and that leads me to remember what you said in this recent post about how ‘’we may call ourselves disciples, but there seems to be very little disciplining in our lives....” So how does one go about disciplining oneself? If we rigorously impose a strict regime upon ourselves, sieving through every minute thought and action for virtues or ‘perfection’ before execution we might just end up too paralysed to function – besides being a walking misery and pain to self and especially to others.

    Fr R Rohr mentioned that Mary’s “ egolessness .......made her the archetype of perfect receptivity....’’ Perhaps here lies the secret to discipleship - because there is just ‘too much of ourselves’ in our every thought and action. Sometimes I even catch myself approving my ‘good’ actions! To be what is now popularly termed ‘other-centred’ is not only to think about the good of others but more to truly forget self and have ‘empathy with’.....the other. I think Mary showed this so very clearly in her anticipating the need of the married couple at the wedding at Cana. It seems to be a very heightened awareness or consciousness of ‘the other’ even though a wedding can be a very crowded and rambunctious affair.

    So probably if we can train ourselves to be less ego-centred we may be able to learn to wait and ‘’not empty the well before it is time.....’’ and to be able to not only joyfully accept delayed gratification but to appreciate it as a much needed virtue.
    God bless you, Fr.
    tessa

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  5. Today's technology is about instant communication and information. Today's pop music is about living individualisitically, victory is when you lead a carefree and careless life. Today's Hollywood offering is about pushing the boundary of traditional moral values and sexuality. No wonder we live in a "I want it now, heaven can wait" society. It is so hard to be still and wait.

    Fr Luke, I wonder at times how much of you feel like "John the Baptist" when you write all this? That we brush you off because we see you as a wild, half-dressed man crying out in the desert and feeding on locusts?

    Please take heart that some of us are indeed enlighthened by your blog. Keep writing please, treat us as the "advent" of your priesthood.

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  6. Hmm... do I feel like a John the Baptist? Yes and no. Aren't we all called to be prophets through our Baptism? And John the Baptist is the greatest of them, isn't he? In the cyber-world, the good news that we need to proclaim competes against so much that is unGodly and unChrist-like, that sometimes, it does appear that what I reflect upon in this blog seems to be akin to a voice crying out in the wilderness. Though this blog doesn't get much readership, as compared to blogs that are filled with gossip and rumours, I guess it's a 'niche-market' that I am writing for. Sometimes I feel like an owner of a little corner eclectic shop that sells things only very few people really look for in life. And what makes the owner of the shop delighted is when complete strangers drop in, and really take interest in what they discover, and decide to stay and become regular visitors. So, this blog, while mainly being for people who are serious about discipleship, people who do know their innermost dignity in being the beloved of God, and for people who are not afraid to name their fears, also hopes to delight those who happen to drop in.

    And the 'no' part? John the Baptist lost his head in being the bold prophet that he was. I haven't had the need to go to that extreme yet, so, in that sense, I cannot say that I am able to identify myself with him.

    I guess I will continue writing till my head runs out of ideas and inspiration. What also helps is the fact that I know many people are praying for me in my priesthood. In a way, you help this to happen, and I thank you for this.

    God bless and love you

    Fr Luke

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  7. Dear Fr Fong

    Your blog has been through ups and downs the last few months. We are happy to see that you are still at it. God bless you and all the readers of this blog, and do send our regards especially to ms ap and have good advent and Chistmas.

    Mr and Mrs Lee

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  8. Hi Fr Luke,thank you for the spiritual food you provide which nourishes and keeps me awake.May the Lord Fill you with His Love.God bless.

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  9. Hi Fr Luke

    Glad to read your latest post. Don't worry niche markets will always survive a recession =)

    All the best for your studies!

    A Blessed advent to you
    Nick Chui

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